I’m in South East Asia. Even still, sometimes this thought catches me off guard.
I will be here for another year. Now that thought, well, this week it stopped me in my tracks.
Now that we have been out here for six weeks, the novelty of this new adventure is beginning to wear off. Apart from college, I’ve left home for an extended period of time only twice. Once to nanny for a Turkish family in Istanbul, and the other just last year for the World Race. Now I will add to that 13 months in South East Asia, primarily in Thailand.
All three of these experiences are vastly different. Really, the greatest similarity is that they are all abroad, but beyond that, they don’t really hold much in common. What that means is that the first two don’t have much to offer me as a means of preparation for this current year away from home. The 11 months on the Race proved to me just how quickly a year can rush by, no matter how long the days feel. However, in a way, changing locations, ministries, and countries each month broke the year down to 11 month-long trips. While I knew that a year in one location would be different, it’s beginning to set in just how different it is going to be.
Would it surprise you to hear that I don’t love being here every day?
Could you understand where I’m coming from if I said sometimes I crave the routines, comforts, and normalcy of being home?
I realized yesterday in video chatting with a friend back home just how strong these feelings were. I just blurted out “sometimes I just want to go home. I don’t want to be home, because I know this (Asia) is exactly where the Lord has called me, and I don’t want to miss out on what He’s got planned, but there are days that I just want to go home.”
Hearing those words come out of my mouth hit me like a ton of bricks. I truly felt that way, but hadn’t been able to vocalize it up to this point. Suddenly I’m left with so many questions.
What does this mean for the year to come, if I already feel this way 6 weeks in?
Can my passion fade this quickly?
Can my faith be secure enough to trust Him even through the challenges? Even when I can’t see or understand the vision?
Can I enjoy the thrills of this new venture (A), embrace the challenges (B), and push through to the growth that comes with the combination of the two (C) (A+B=C)? If you haven’t yet, read my blog from last year (here) about the project mood curve to see the visual behind this concept.
This is raw. This is real. Honestly, I’m still working to answer these questions. Just as I am able to look back on past experiences throughout my life and see how God was at work, I know this will be no different. However, we all know the contrast between hindsight and what you’re currently walking through. Thank you for joining me on this journey, even when it’s less than pretty.
