I’ve struggled for many years believing anything positive about myself. I recognize now that they enemy set up camp in my mind many years ago. He sent his flames my way, and instead of stomping them out, I let them be. Then, after letting them stay, I allowed them to spread by beginning to believe each one of the lies as truth. The flames sent by the enemy quickly snuffed out any semblance of “healthy” fire already burning within me.
I would tell myself the nastiest lies, and believe them as truth.
You are ugly. You are unintelligent.
You’ll never amount to anything. You’re boring.
You’re a worthless friend. You’re unreliable.
You’re a failure.
You like photography? Even if you could operate the camera, you don’t have an eye for it.
You want to coach volleyball? Ha! You couldn’t even play well, how could you teach someone?
You were a horrible nanny, and you’d never make a good mother.
So I found myself seeking affirmation from those around me. I would constantly claim “I don’t care what people think of me,” but secretly, I hung on every word muttered my way. Of course the enemy had his hands all over this as well. Any compliment was quickly devalued and marked as insincere. Completely dismissing it, I would quickly think “they don’t really think that, they’re just saying that to make you feel better.”
Those negative comments, though they would hit and stick. Even worse, I would assume implications, and believe them too!
It took you how long to finish your degree, and you aren’t even working in that field? Wow. What a waste of money.
You traveled abroad alone? You must not have any friends.
You’re almost 30 and no where near getting married, you may as well just give up now. It’s never going to happen anyway.
Look at you. You’ve basically wasted your 20s.
This left me with a very warped perception of people around me. First of all, I truly believed all eyes were on me and they were judging my every move. Second, I began to believe that everyone else only thought negative things about me as well, which obviously meant that my negative thoughts must have been true.
That’s enough!
No more!
I’ve been living under the lies of the enemy for too long. It’s about time I kick those lies to the curb and begin believing what God says about me.
Here are the new truths I am declaring over myself:
I am a child of God. (John 1:12)
I have been set free. (Galations 5:1)
I am chosen, holy, and blameless. (Ephesians 1:4)
I am created in God’s image. (Ephesians 4:24)
I am forgiven. (1 John 1:9)
I am God’s messenger to the world. (Acts 1:8)
I am loved and chosen. (1 Thessalonians 1:4)
I am loved. (Romans 5:8)
