With each new month and each new location comes a multitude of joyful experiences. We get to experience a new host, new food, new culture, and see what God is doing in new ways. With each new country also come new trials, new burdens, and The Holy Spirit revealing our fleshly nature to us even more.
Exactly one year ago, my mom called me and said that she needed to talk to me and for me to come to her house. I resisted because at the time I was staying with a friend about an hour away from where she lived. She insisted that I come to the house that weekend so that we could talk. Sarcastically, I replied “We can talk on the phone. Why do I need to drive an hour to talk to you?” As she continued to push, I gave in and agreed to come to her house to talk about lord knows what. When the weekend came, I drove to see her and it was time for the talk. (She wouldn’t tell me that on the phone) She sat me down and looked me square in the face. I want to talk to you about your attitude.
Immediately, I jumped up, “Are you serious? You made me drive an hour to talk to me about my poor attitude?” She knew I had stuff to do and did not have time for all that. I had to prepare for work the next week and clean the house. I was in no mood to talk about my so-called poor attitude that I didn’t even have. After I sat down, she continued to tell me how she was concerned about how progressivly bad my attitude was getting and how easily offended I was. Of course like most people I thought “If people didn’t do stupid stuff and get on my nerves, I wouldn’t have a reason to get mad”. With all the love and concern of a mother, she continued to express her concerns about how my attitude could hold me back from great things and friendships, as I got older. At this point I’m sitting hearing her but I’m not really listening. When she stopped talking, I rudely asked, “Are you done?” When she was finished I stormed away with the attitude that I didn’t have and made business elsewhere.
Just like many things in our lives that we don’t want to hear or remember I put that conversation to the back of my mind. We never talked about it again and it was never addressed beyond that point. UNTIL NOW. Lord help me because it’s about to get real. Unfortunately, everything that my mother said was 100% true. Despite my fun loving and friendly spirit, I could get an attitude at the drop of a hat. I spent a lot of moments, although brief, irritated, aggravated and frustrated because someone said something or did something to offend me or challenged my character. Reflecting back on it now, I can see that as I get older, it has become a mold that has continued to grow because it lived in darkness. Well this is me bringing it into the light. I want to live a set apart life where I can hear something said and even if it was the nastiest comment, I can choose to not be shaken and not be offended. When reading an article by Francis Frangipane, he stated, “People don’t generally stumble over boulders, they stumble over stones”. The small things matter more then we realizes. Often, in high school, people would say things or do things that offended me. These were tiny stones. After years of being offended, my small stones began to collect and became a bolder that 5 years later is affecting the way I interact as an adult. Over the last couple of days I have been dissecting the issue of why I get so offended which turns into irritation and frustration. As much as I try to put it off on others because it’s always easier to blame others for why you’re going through things, I have to come to the realize that I am the common denominator. Having an offendable heart is rooted in pure selfishness. “I didn’t get my way…. Why was he so rude to me?…She didn’t even notice what I did.” The enemy uses these offenses to oppress and manipulate God’s children and many times we lose joy and come into agreements with the enemies lies.
“The solution to offenses is that we must fully die to “self!” We must become totally immersed in the identity and person of Jesus Christ, dying to self and allowing Christ to live through us.
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me…” (Gal. 2:20). Jesus taught that this is the way of the Christian life, that if anyone wants to follow Him they must “take up their cross daily” (Luke 9:23).”
So what now? I’ve discovered all these new horrible and disturbing things about myself. What do I do with it and how do I move forward? The same things that sent a blameless man to the cross to die a horrible death on our behalf–Love. “Love is the ultimate cure for offenses. It will eradicate self-centeredness that thrives on its own interests and rights (1 Cor. 13:5), and will forgive those who disappoint us. “…For love will cover a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).”
