My heart dropped when I listened to the message from Kat, telling me to call her back and work toward the goal of me launching for the August Expedition route. I inhale and hold my breath, almost as if waiting for the ball to drop – Trenton sits across from me and watches me, trying to read the expression on my face.
August is 10 months away. What am I supposed to do until then ? What about my plan to cross paths with my original team on the field ? What about my plan to be a Sales Associate for just five months, now nine ? What about my plan to leave, MY PLAN to do mission work.
My plan.
There it is. Again I’m flooded, overwhelmed. Distressed because the steps that seemed to be firm in front of me have suddenly been swept away. Grateful because at least it’s one less unknown in my life. Humbled by the Father, who loves me and only wants to relieve the burdens I pile on top of myself.
It’s crazy to think of how much we find ourselves complaining about how busy we are, how much we have to do, the things we’re struggling with. But how much better our situation becomes when we truly hand over control to God. Some of us want to be in control because we don’t trust anyone else to get the job done. Some just want to be in control because it gives them attention and fulfills some sense of accomplishment and being needed. In any case, our lack of willingness to surrender that is ultimately us rejecting part of God’s character, which is rejecting all of Him.
That’s scary to think about.
I believe He is holy, I believe He is faithful. But do I truly trust Him with my life, my EVERY step ? Do I trust His plans over mine ?
And the more I think about how relationships are harder and other pieces in my life are more jagged edged than ever before right now, the more clearly I see the lack of His hands. My lack of willingness to let them work in full.
But oh, He is so patient.
He waits, gently by my side. Never saying “I told you so,” never mocking me for making the same mistake over and over again. And so another step out. One foot in front of the other. Focusing on the positives, because they are greater than any little thing that’s thrown my way. Because that’s who God is – He is greater.
Bonuses :
- I have a BIG reason to learn a third language
- I’m blessed with opportunity to dive deeper into local relationships
- My supporters will worry less now that I’ll only be on one continent
- I’ll have my roll-over dental insurance and be able to get my wisdom teeth out
- I get to hang out with God and let Him work His magic in my heart, mind, body and community.
And so, here it is – finally, an official update on God’s path for me on this race.
My launch date has officially been changed to August 2016. I will be part of the August Expedition 2016 team that will travel to every country in South America over an 11 month period.
Faith is a daily choice – to pick up our cross and carry it. I’m so grateful the Lord’s faithfulness doesn’t mirror my own ; all of the times I’ve harbored bitterness and turned from His love and ways. So blessed to know Jesus will never turn from me. And so now I rest – not from Him and the obstacles He places in my life to humble me – but I rest in Him, knowing that is the only lasting peace I will ever have.
#praise #11n11 #AugEX #watchoutworld
