When I signed up for the race, I knew it would take me to places I’d never been and people and situations I could never imagine from the comforts of my air conditioned apartment in Southern California.
You hear about the suffering and persecution, the poor conditions, child abandonment, sex trafficking or worse. I knew this could and would be the most eye opening piece of my journey this year, but I guess part of me has subconsciously never left that comfy couch in California, refusing to look, to really see, because then I would have to really feel.
As I reflect on the first 3 months of my race, I feel like I never really connected with anyone in the countries I’ve been to or ministries I’ve been involved with. It’s like I mentioned in my most recent blog, “How many people and opportunities have I missed while being preoccupied with my current circumstances or so bogged down with the ministry tasks in front of me that I’ve forgotten to see the people around me that I’m actually serving?”
I think a part of me has done this on purpose and it’s a pitfall that I’m sure others on the World Race have fallen into. “I’m only here for a month, what does it matter if I learn his/her name?” “I’ll never see this person again…” So I’ve held back, not wanting to get too close. “I don’t want to get attached. It’ll only make leaving harder.”
But the harsh reality is that by doing so, I’ve withheld God’s love from them and from myself.
I put up a wall I hadn’t even realized was there, I guess to seemingly protect myself from the pain of inevitable goodbyes.
But we can’t live our life in this state of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of loss. As cliché as it might sound, there is truth to the statement: “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”
Without allowing myself to come to know the people I’m serving – the man I passed every day on the streets of the Dominican Republic, the orphan who always stared at me as I painted hers and her brothers and sisters’ bedrooms in Haiti, or the children I taught in Costa Rica – I have missed the greatest gift God ever wanted me (and them) to experience: love.
I wasn’t prepared for what awaited me in Panama.
From the moment I stepped off the bus that brought us here from Costa Rica, I knew this month would be different. As we drove to my ministry host’s house by the beach for the first time, through the breath-taking tree lined streets and beautiful open grass fields, I could sense God whispering to me “This will be month of ‘renovation’ in your heart. Let go. Trust me.”
Two days later, I met 6 year old Moises for the first time.
Moises is a deaf boy from the Ngobe tribe, which is native to Panama, and lives on a reservation in Oma, located about an hour and a half drive into the mountains from where we are staying.
To look at him, you wouldn’t believe he’s 6 years old. He’s small for his age and very thin. Our ministry host Heather has been working with him for about 2 years now. When she first met him, he was severely malnourished, which has undoubtedly stunted his growth in some ways.
He suffers from a genetic skin disease that leaves him with very thin, scaly skin and he is prone to skin infections that often result in open sores.
Being deaf, he had no form of language or communication with the community or even his immediate family.
Over the past 2 years, Heather and her husband Danny have taken Moises to the nourishment center to get him to a healthy weight. They have been working with Moises and his family, teaching him ASL and a base language that he can read. They’ve built his family a small, single room cinder-block house, and have worked hard to try and provide clean water for him to bathe in and for them to drink.
My teammate, Karyn, studied ASL in college and since I have a desire to learn, her and I were designated to work with Moises this month while Heather has been back at home in the United States.
He was shy at first, not interacting with us much, just watching from a distance. But as we sat down and began talking to his family and playing with his puppies, Mariposa and Muneca, he started to engage with us. Once we pulled out the book of ASL/Panamanian signs, he came over and started to show us how he knew the whole alphabet!
As soon as he would make a sign, he’d look up at me and flash that sweet smile, and I knew I was hooked on this little boy.
The next two and a half weeks were spent, catching a “bus” (more like the “gua gua” vans from the DR) up the mountain to Oma, trekking down a long dirt road that lead to the village, and down the path to Moises’ house.
We’d spend several hours a day there, playing games and going over signs. He’d put rocks into our hands and we’d have him sign each number as he added to the pile. He would take our phones and take endless selfies or videos of his puppies and show us.
He loved being vocal! He knew it would get our attention and that we would turn towards wherever he was. So he would jump out from behind the door and yell “Ah!” with a huge grin on his face or he would get behind me and pinch my side and squeal with delight whenever I would jump!
He is always thinking of others before himself and he is very observant. He noticed right away how much I enjoyed playing with his small puppy, so every day that I would come back, as soon as he would see me, he would pick her up and hand her to me. Always smiling.
He’s always looking for ways to serve others. He would ask if we wanted food or give us one of his favorite toys to play with. Just today, he took a hat that Heather had made and as we were telling him that it was for someone else he refused to give it back and ran on ahead of us. It wasn’t until we met up with him at his house about 5 minutes later that we realized, he had brought it home and had already put it on his baby sister.
I’ve never met another 6 year old which such a kind, caring, servant’s heart.
Moises had to go to the hospital last week because an infection from his leg had spread to his kidneys. He ended up being sent home without the necessary medicine because his family could not afford it. It was $50.
It was so hard for me to see this little boy in pain last week and all I could think was: “Let me just take him home. If he came home with me, he would receive the best medical care and would already be well on his way to good health. He would have clean water to bathe in every day, and more than a couple changes of clothes. He would never be hungry and could receive an excellent education where he could finally communicate with the world.”
But then it hit me, like a ton of bricks. I’ve fallen in love with this sweet, little boy. I was seeing Moises through God’s eyes. And in doing so, God was showing me just how much more He loves little Moises. You see, God loved him long before I ever knew him and He will continue to love and care for Moises long after I am gone. He has a plan for Moises. It is to come to know Him. And it doesn’t matter if he has a whole wardrobe of clothes or just the shirt on his back, if he has a full belly or one tiny pancake for the whole day. If he has Jesus, he is secure.
I believe that’s why the work Heather is doing with Moises and his family, the work Karyn and I were blessed to be a part of this month, is exactly what God desires for him: to learn sign language in order to learn about and have a relationship with Jesus.
And even though this world can be cruel and unfair, this will not be our final resting place. It doesn’t have to be.
It can be Heaven.
And even if I’m not reunited with Moises until then, I know I will see him there. And he will have a perfect body, fully restored, with no skin disease, perfect hearing, and a belly full of food. He will be in the perfect presence of the Lord for eternity!
And he will be able to hear me clearly as I call out his name and run to embrace him.
**As an update to this blog**
Fortunately, God has blessed our team tremendously this month and we received our housing for free! With a portion of that money we saved we were able to donate directly to Moises’ family for his treatment. He is already doing much better!
Thank you so much to my financial supporters!!!
It’s with generous donations like yours that we have been blessed to then be a blessing to others!!
I’m still in need of making my final financial deadline at the end of this month. I still need $2968 to be fully funded. Would you please consider making a tax deductible donation? Any amount will help!
