One more week till I head into month ten of my race. Seventy days till I’ll be on a plane from Atlanta Georgia to Orlando with one of my squad mates, Mariah. Seventy days till I get to sleep in my own bed. Take a nice shower. Clean my clothes with a washer and dryer. Eat American food. Laugh and talk about hard things with my family and friends. A time where life will slow down for a few days. People with ask so many questions. Heck I’ve already had people ask to get together with me for coffee to talk about this journey I’ve had. Seventy days and I’ll have AC in my house and in my car. Ill have clothes that will actually fit me. Oh by the way I’ve lost 17 pounds that I know of. I’ll be able to drive my own car around (after some practice). I’ll have to find a job. I’ll have pretty much anything I want available to me. I’ll have wifi all the time. I can get hugs from my loved ones when I need them. I get all my comforts back. That to me is exciting but more terrifying than anything. I’ve become use to a life of owning pretty much nothing. Where all I can do is cling to Jesus because of it. Even just spending a day in the states a few months ago overwhelmed me. I actually understood the language! Everything seemed so foreign to me. I hated it. To be honest all I wanted to do was sit in the bathroom stall where no one could bother me or talk to me. I’m terrified that I’m going to let the comforts of home consume me. I’m terrified with how much my friends and family have changed. I’m terrified that I’m going to run far away from the Lord. I’m terrified to talk to people about the brokenness and loneliness I’ve felt. To talk about the broken people I’ve seen. Some things Ive seen I can’t forget about. I’m terrified to talk about what the Lord has taught me. I’m even terrified to tell people about my passion and love for Cambodia. I’m terrified that people are going to look at me as a super Christian and that I have my ish together. I honestly don’t. It’s only through the Lord that I have been able to survive. I don’t want to go home feeling like I have to always have it together. I’m terrified to be emotional in front of people. That really terrifies me. I’ve cried more on the race than I have in my life but it didn’t come easy. I didn’t cry in front of my whole squad until last month. So it’s taken some time. I’m terrified to worship the way the Lord loves me to worship Him. I’m terrified to tell people things that the Lord shows me about them. Don’t get me wrong, I am so so excited to be home. There is something about being away from my family that makes me so excited to be with them. It’s just going to be so different for me. I’m going to need time. I’ll have about six months home before I head to Cambodia and go back to a life I’m use to. The I can’t wait to see what the Lord is going to do in my life in those six months. Even though I am terrified, I am not going to let that stop me from being around people. I am not going to let the comforts consume me. I’m not going to be terrified to be me. I’m going to let people into my life and the journey the Lord and I have walked together hand in hand. Warning I probably will talk about Cambodia like crazy. You will probably get sick of it. I’m going to cling to the Lord because even though I’ll have comforts, I’ll be uncomfortable with them. The freedom I have walked in, I will walk in at home. I know I’m not the only racer who feels this way or has felt this way. Please be patient with us and pray for us. We are going to need it. Thank you for all the love and support I’ve had from you all. I have been so blessed to have you all join me on my journey around the world.
