It’s hard to believe I only have a week left of ministry here in Cambodia. My team and I have been living in a slum outside of Phnom Penh teaching English to preschoolers and teenagers. Interacting with the teenagers that come in for night classes has been one of my favorite parts; they love cracking jokes and teasing me about how much I love to eat fried frogs. But hey they’re tasty! They’ve also taught me a lot of Khmer (the native language) which has really benefited my market runs in the mornings. We’ve also had the opportunity to lead church on Sunday’s and share testimonies with the elderly. Cambodia rox!
When we first arrived in Cambodia I was stoked. I remember sitting at the airport in the warm sun (a huge change from freezing Nepal), with a Dairy Queen vanilla ice cream cone in my hand thinking this feels just like home! Warm and sunny weather is my favorite! The first few days here I was super sick so I didn’t really leave my room much. After I recovered I was pumped to do life with my new team and dive into ministry. The initial excitement didn’t really last.
As week two approached, I had this feeling. A feeling of normalcy. I realized the “thrill” of the race was slowly fading. I remember telling my teammates like “guys, this all feels so normal.” This statement sounds silly, but I’m serious. Living in constant community feels normal. Feedback feels normal. Moving every month feels normal. Lack of English feels normal. Talking to random children on the street seems normal. Clenching my purse to my chest to prevent theft seems normal. The Lord placed a call on my heart years ago to GO and that calling became my reality 6 months ago. A truly incredible reality that has become very normal for me.
The first half of the race, it was easy for me to stay present where my feet were planted. This was all still new, crazy, and unpredictable. I shed insecurities, grew in tremendous boldness and confidence, and secured a deeper understanding of what it’s like to walk with the Lord intimately and be firmly rooted in my identity. I saw people all over the world draw near to their maker and find freedom in Jesus Christ. I experienced the Lords provision in different ministries and made friends all over the globe. I took advantage of adventure and did some crazy things; I went to the Nile River, ran the 10K Great Ethiopian Run, visited the Taj Mahal, and hiked the Himalayas.
I realize the first half of my race was like a honeymoon after a wedding. It was beautiful, new, and exciting. However, I’m not in the honeymoon phase anymore. I’m over halfway done with my race. This initial feeling of normalcy I had week two manifested into a struggle to stay present and to be satisfied with exactly where the Lord has placed me this month.
I found myself dissatisfied with the littlest things. I caught myself saying comments like “I wish I could go have coffee by myself like some of the other teams (alone time is rare on the WorldRace).” Or “I miss the beach so much, I wish we were closer to the beach instead of the city.” I even found myself trying to make tons of plans to hangout with my other friends on the squad instead of investing in my new team and learning more of their stories. I read about what other teams were doing and thought “wow I wish I was doing that!” I was yearning for the next best thing. For what seemed new, fun, and exciting to me.
I allowed this feeling of normalcy to keep me from choosing to be fully present and choosing to challenge myself in new ways. I’m learning it’s okay that the WorldRace is beginning to feel very normal. Life generally feels normal on a day to day basis. It’s still an incredible adventure. I still find the Lord teaching me new lessons daily. I’m still so thankful that I’m here and there’s truly no where else I’d rather be. But it is normal, and it’s not as unpredictable and crazy as it was 6 months ago. The initial thrill of the WorldRace may be fading, but I’m still on an incredible journey with the Lord. I’m here to serve my ministries well, and grow into more of the woman the Lord created me to be.
Just like we have to choose to be graceful, loving, and joyful when its difficult, I’m learning I can choose to be present or choose not to. I can choose to find new ways to challenge myself as the race goes on or I can fall into complacency. I can choose to seek a deeper intimacy with the Lord or I can just sit back and watch others do it. Sure, going through the motions and waiting on the next best thing is easy, but I’d miss out on so much of what the Lord is trying to reveal to me exactly where I am. There’s a cool freedom in understanding that life isn’t waiting on the next best thing, next spiritual high, or next adventure. It’s walking hand in hand with the Lord on a daily basis.
