Wow. My life has been absolutely crazy for about the last month and a half!
At the end of June I flew back from Kenya where I had spent 13 days with an amazing team of friends and family.
We spent time ministering in churches in Kitengela, Meru, and Nakuru over the course of those 13 days. Of course, we made time for a safari as well.
Then I was home for 5 days before I started my next adventure.
One of those 5 days though (Saturday) was the 4th of July so it was hardly a restful day. I played in a parade in the morning (see below) and then had a huge family gathering the rest of the day.
On Sunday I played in church (with the guys above) in the morning and in the evening I drove up to Kansas City so I could catch my 8:30 flight the next morning to go to Atlanta because…
IT WAS THE START OF WORLD RACE TRAINING CAMP!!!
From the 6th-16th I was in Georgia getting to know my squad mates (X-Squad!!) and taking part in all sorts of shenanigans. If you’d like to know more about my experience there then you should check out my blog about Training Camp here.
On the evening of the 16th (Thursday) I flew back to Kansas City where I was picked up by a friend and we drove back home where I immediately started laundry. I then took a little bit of time to talk with my parents (it only seemed right) before going to bed to get some much needed sleep. Because in the morning (Friday) I was leaving for Colorado to get ready for FMIN Youth Camp.
Camp didn’t start until the next Monday but Saturday and Sunday had plenty to keep us busy between running errands, preparing games, and packing equipment.
We finished camp on Friday but I stayed in Colorado for a few days with a bunch of other people. And I do mean a bunch.
After counting everyone pictured and a few that were not I can tell you that we had over 40 people at the Perry house on Friday night after camp. God bless Geary and Juli Perry. (Pictured in the top left.)
We stayed with the Perry’s for 2 nights before it was finally time to come home. With a stop in Colby to visit wheat Jesus of course.
As I write this on Tuesday evening I have been home for 2 days now and I almost don’t know what to do with myself because I actually have free time.
You can see why I feel like my life is a little crazy right now. It’s because it is.
I say all of that to provide some context for you though. God has been teaching me something recently that I shared about while we were in Kenya and felt was important to share here as well.
One of the things that we talked about as a team before going to Kenya (and something that was discussed at Training Camp as well) was being present. When we were around other people and in ministry settings there were to be no phones out. The people in front of us were to be our priority, not the people on social media who were thousands of miles away. That was something we wanted to be very intentional about. And I think we did a pretty good job of it.
But God started to speak to me about being present in a deeper sense.
He showed me that I have not been present for the last 3+ years of my life.
But He also showed me what to do to fix that.
So a little more context is necessary here. After my Freshman year of college at Oklahoma Christian I decided I would not be returning to school there. Instead, I began an online program from Full Sail University that I would be a part of for a year. After a year, I decided to transition to Full Sail’s campus in Winter Park, FL and I made the move down there. I attended class at Full Sail from September to April when I decided to go back home for the summer. I had every intention of continuing at Full Sail in the fall but due to a few circumstances (which I will not go into here) I ended up not continuing there. So I moved back to Kansas permanently where I began working full time and attending the odd class here and there from Hutchinson Community College.
And I told myself that it was all good. I was living at home with minimal expenses and working full time so I was making pretty good money. This would be a good thing.
But I couldn’t convince myself forever.
Pretty soon I started to feel restless. I was not content with what I was doing. I had no purpose, no direction. But I had no idea where to go next.
It is a very difficult situation to be in when you know you need to go, but you don’t have any idea where.
But God knew.
The problem, of course, was me. I wasn’t interested in listening to God’s plan because what if His plan wasn’t something I wanted to do. What if I had a better idea?
Nonsense of course but that’s where I was at the time. Maybe not consciously, but my subconscious was there.
So instead of listening to and trusting God to take me on an adventure I tried to make things happen for myself. And time after time, these things that I tried to set up for myself fell through. I would be ready to move forward with a new plan and something or someone would change everything and set me back to square one.
And I became anxious. I started to worry about the future and what it held for me.
I became so focused on the future that I could not fully engage with my present.
The people and the events around me did not receive my full and undivided attention because in the back of my mind, and sometimes the front, the wheels of my brain were spinning through the next plan. The next scheme that would take me into my glorious future.
And for 3 years I lived like this, though I was unaware of it until just recently. Never fully present because part of me was trying to live in the future.
But recently, as we talked about being present in relation to our phones, God began to show me there are more ways than one to be absent from the world around you.
You can be so focused on the before and after that you miss out on the now.
For me, it was my future that robbed me of my present. For others, it is their past.
Many people have things in their lives they are not proud of. Some people recognize those things helped them to become the person they are now and have learned to accept the past.
Some people, however, are consumed with regret and the guilt and shame that accompany it. Never able to forgive themselves for their past wrongs they are trapped in limbo. Living here and now physically, but letting their minds dwell in the past where they cannot effect any sort of change.
This is no way to live though. God does not want us to concern ourselves with anything but the present. He does not want us to worry about our future and He does not condemn us for our past.
Romans 8:1 says “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” (NLT)
I am not an expert on the Bible by any means but I feel pretty confident in saying that “no condemnation” doesn’t mean “some condemnation” or “no condemnation* with an asterisk.”
*Unless you did something really really bad, or you did it on purpose, or you made someone cry, or you broke one of the 10 Commandments.
“No condemnation” means just that. None. Zero. Zilch. Any guilt or condemnation you feel is not coming from God. It is from the enemy.
From Satan.
Now God will convict you but there is no guilt with conviction.
“And when he comes (the Holy Spirit), he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment.” John 16:8 (NLT)
The Spirit convicts us of sin for our benefit. So that we may step into all God has for us.
“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard, He will tell you about the future.” John 16:13 NLT
God knows the future. And He uses His Spirit to tell us about it. If we will only listen.
So often we get so busy with life that, as silly as it may seem, we forget that God cares for us. We forget that He has a plan for us.
We forget how much God loves us.
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)
He cares for you. Why would He ever have a bad plan for your life? He wouldn’t. He doesn’t.
But do you trust Him?
Do you trust God enough to let go of control and trust that wherever He is taking you is the best place for you to be?
For the longest time I didn’t. I did not trust God to take me to the best place. The place where I would not just live, but thrive.
But then I let go. I let God.
And I have had such an incredible year. I have been to Kenya, I had the greatest of my 5 years at FMIN Youth Camp, and I am preparing to travel the world with an amazing group of people on the World Race. (Go X-Squad and Team Bioluminescence!)
All of these amazing things have happened to me or are going to happen to me this year because I finally surrendered to God.
What that meant first for me was slowing down. I was so busy all the time I couldn’t hear God telling me to rest. But eventually I slowed down. I enjoyed the people around me and I enjoyed God. I enjoyed His creation. Whether that was people or the beauty of the earth. Sometimes it was both.
I have been blessed with some amazing friends who have helped me to see why God wants us fully present.
Life is so much sweeter when you are able to give and receive everything that God has for you in each moment.
And that requires your full attention in each moment.
You are not crushed by the weight of your past.
You are not caged by the worries of your future.
I heard it said that God does not live in the future or in the past. Which isn’t to say He doesn’t exist in those places. He is infinite after all. But He lives in the here and now. In the present. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to live where God lives?
I certainly do.
So I have made a decision to live in the present. To let go of my future and turn it over to God. To trust His plan for my life over my own.
And I challenge you to do the same. To give Him your past and your future.
And to be present. God is.
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A special thank you to Alex, Brooklynn, and Gentry for showing me how wonderful the present can be. You have all helped me in this journey more than you probably know. So this is me saying thank you. Thank you for living this life with me. Thank you for pushing me to be better. Thank you for your unconditional love and friendship. Thank you for showing me Jesus with the way you live your lives. Thank you for being you.
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WORLD RACE UPDATE:
As of the writing of this blog I am just shy of $10,000 raised which is pretty fantastic! But that does leave me about $6,500 to go. My goal is to have that raised in the 5 weeks before I leave (only 5 weeks?!) on the Race. If you would like to help me achieve that goal I would encourage you to click on the “Support Me” link on the side of this blog. If you cannot give financially at this time I would always welcome your prayers.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. If you liked it or have questions I would love for you to comment below. Let me know what you thought. And if not, I’m still glad you took the time to read this.
Thank you!
