Hey fusion fam!
I can’t tell you the joy it gives me to continue to watch your lives outside of the race. Some have married and some have gotten their dream jobs. Others have gone on to continue in mission work and there are those that have decided to go back to school. Life is exciting and always changing and I love watching every second of it!!
I know that social media makes life look glamorous, but the truth for me is that I have spent the last six months struggling with bitterness, anger, fear and a sense of falling further away from the Lord in what has always been such a beautiful relationship with Him. I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’m sure even though life looks completely glamorous on your Facebook and Insta feeds, there are some of you struggling with your own issues.
About two months ago I made the decision to step out of every ministry I was serving in to have a period of rest and restoration for my soul. It has given me a time of reprocessing the time we spent on the race together. It has brought back beautiful memories and the memories of hard days. It has reminded me of the person I thought I was, but wasn’t and of the person that I chose to be after.
To my squad:
I will always consider y’all (all of you!) my brothers and sisters. No matter the difficulties in some relationships or the ease in others. Each of you were used to teach me different lessons throughout our race. Lessons that I will carry with me the rest of my life. I wasn’t always considerate. I was often a complainer, a dud, a fighter and sometimes just not into why we were there. I’d like to think that I loved each of you decently well, but if I had it all to do over again, I would spend every second of every day reminding you that even at your worst and even in the thick of it, you still had love being shoveled onto you from me. Regardless of who I was and who I wish I was, 2016 is a year I will always miss. It will always be a year that I wish I could do over.
I’ve wanted to write this letter to y’all for months now and my pride has stood in my way. But I have been reminded recently of a few things we learned as a unit from each other.
You grow. You learn. You meditate. And then there is a hope that you change.
Thank you to my squad for staying by my side for 11 months and now the three full years we have known each other. Thank you for loving me in my mess even when you wanted to punch me in the face because it has reminded me of the patience we must offer each other. Thank you for providing grace for me even when I didn’t deserve it because it has taught me to do the same for those I come in contact with. Thank you for holding me accountable when I didn’t want to hear it because each of your words still hold places in my mind to remind me of whose I am and who I am made to be.
It’s been a rough six months, but I can honestly say that even without any communication with y’all, you have helped picked me up from the ashes, dusted me off and given me a pat on the back saying it’s going to be okay.
I don’t know what y’all are going through right now. We all have our struggles. But if you’re reading this and you just want a nonjudgmental listening ear, I’m here. Let’s talk, put it all into the light and pray over each other so the enemy has no hold over us any longer.
Love y’all!
-Danielle
