Here is the story of me.
At 13 I became really sad. I wasn’t sure why, but I assumed it was natural so I didn’t tell my parents and I just pretended to be happy. At that time, I started to experiment with self-harm. I was really sad and had no other outlet.
I knew God, but I didn’t understand his love for me.
At 14 my family moved from the town I grew up in, I lost an Uncle, a father figure, and a family friend in less than a year. I couldn’t take it anymore. The sadness was overwhelming and I couldn’t take it anymore. So, at the age of 15, I attempted suicide for the first time. I convinced myself and everyone around me that I was just fine.
I wish I could say that I had a huge revelation and realized that God had a purpose for me, but I didn’t.
Through the grace of God, I discovered theatre. I immersed myself in it and quickly fell in love. For the next four years, I stayed sad, but I no longer self-harmed or thought about suicide.
Theatre was my safe haven.
I graduated high school and continued to be sad. I went through the motions of life like I knew I was supposed to. But again, the sadness became overwhelming and I started self-harming. I finally had enough and knew I was ready to die. I went to overdose when my niece made a noise down the hall and reminded me why I’m alive.
God kept saving my life.
I got the help I needed but I didn’t get the right medicine. I felt empty and numb. I was no longer sad, but I was no longer happy either. So I stopped taking it. Within six months, the self-harm started again. This time, it was worse than ever. I woke up every day praying it was the day God choose to bring me home.
Thankfully, he wasn’t ready for me.
On February 18th 2012, I made the decision to change my life. I was done being sad. I was done hating who I was. I was done hurting myself. So I got proper help, and the right medicine. I prayed to a God that I wasn’t sure I believed in. I prayed because that’s what I had been taught growing up.
When things get hard, fall to your knees and pray.
So I did. I discovered God again and I realized how much he loved me. I realized he had been on this journey with me. I fell in love with God and I wanted to live every single day through him. So when I heard about The World Race on the radio, I knew God was speaking to me.
I lit a fire in my heart. I had no choice, I had to do it.
But as we all know, God has a plan. He knew what he was doing. I applied, interviewed and prayed, but I was not accepted. I was told to reapply at a later date after seeking counseling. I was upset. I felt like they didn’t see my potential. I felt like I was not good enough and that God let me down.
But the fire was still burning for The World Race.
I looked into my heart and tried to discover what God needed me to learn in the next few months before I applied again. I realized, that I wasn’t as strong as I believed. I realized, I still had some growing to do and that I had some self-discovery. I took the next year and lived a life of God. I prayed, I trusted, and I fell even more in love. I listened to Christian Radio stations at every time I was in the car. I realized his love burned so bright.
The fire grew. I couldn’t wait anymore. I had to do it.
So after weeks of prayer, a couple of all nighters and a lot of Bible reading, I reapplied. I poured my heart out again and this time, I was accepted. I fell to my knees, started sobbing, and thanked God over and over again. I was given the chance to spread my fire, into the souls of others.
It’s been 3 years since I last self-harmed. Every day, God reminds me why I’m alive. He helps me fall in love with the world around me and helps me discover what my happiness is. Please consider helping me fund my trip by donating or praying. I can’t do this alone, please help me spread the good word.
