I had a lot of expectations of what I thought this month was going to look like as our squad’s all squad month- a time where all 46 of us would live together under one roof and work side by side in ministry. For the most part, those expectations were met and exceeded- people laying aside selfishness and picking up a heart of service. God moved in really big ways in Nicaragua through the hands of O Squad. What I didn’t anticipate was the work that He would move in my heart.
For a long time in my life, I didn’t allow myself to express or even feel certain emotions. I didn’t understand how to convey what I was feeling and shutting down those feelings felt safe to me. I didn’t realize the impact that it had on my life until I went on the race last year and really started to tap into my emotions. While on the race, the Lord spoke this phrase over me, “Unlocking and owning your emotions is going to unlock something in the people around you.” Since then, I have been attempting to understand what it looks like to truly feel certain emotions that I had been suppressing. I am realizing now that I have subconsciously formed a negative connotation with expressing emotions.
Stepping into a position of leadership in this season caused me to confront these false ideas. Growing up, I thought that a good leader was one who was able to control their emotions because, to me, emotions were a sign of weakness. What I’m coming to realize is the exact opposite. A great leader is someone who allows themselves to fully feel the wide array of emotions that the Father feels and is able to express them in a way that invites Him to move in it. This month, the Lord has been showing me how expressing emotions to the people He has entrusted me to lead builds a deep foundation of trust. Allowing the people on my squad to see me in my mess and speak into my life has transformed the depth of our relationships.
Every day I have the choice to be courageous- to unleash suppressed emotions and to walk in a deeper level of vulnerability with my community. I am confident that the Lord has been revealing new truths about emotions not only to free me from lies, but to invite the people around me to do the same. I pray that God would bring redemption in your life to misconceptions that society has formed around expressing emotions and that you would be men and women of courage who step into a new level of freedom.
