In one hour, our plane will be landing in South Africa. I wish I could say that I am filled with excitement and ready to truly begin this new adventure but right now my heart is beating out of my chest and I’m starting to sweat. The guy next to me on the plane keeps giving me dirty looks as I toss and turn, attempting to find comfort in how I’m positioned.
There are a lot of thoughts rushing through my mind right now. Like why did I decide to wear jeans when I knew I would be traveling for 2 days? Why am I doing this trip again? Why did I pack my glasses from middle school instead of the ones I got more recently? Why couldn’t I sleep much on this plane when I usually spend my flights passed out?
I circle back around to my second question and begin pondering. Why am I doing this trip again? My honest answer, I don’t know. A huge part of me wants to be home right now helping out with my family. I want to be working so I can keep saving money. I want to be with friends that already know me. I want to relax. I want to cuddle with my dog and watch my axolotl devour worms. I want to be improving my climbing. I want to have my own room with my own bed. I want to skate by without too much responsibility.
But that’s not what God wants for me. I know that. He has called me on a different path. He has entrusted me with way more than I would have ever entrusted myself.
I’m nervous because I don’t know how to lead 13 people. I’m worried because I don’t want them to see that I doubt my ability to help navigate them from point a to point b. I’m anxious because I have no idea what will happen once we land or what these next 3 months will look like.
I close my eyes for a second as I begin to feel overwhelmed with all my thoughts and feelings. As I begin to pray, I am reminded of a conversation I had with someone from my team about our training camp.
“I experienced the Holy Spirit,” she said to me. “God has been communicating with me all this time and I didn’t even know.”
Oh yeah, this is why I’m doing this trip. I have the privilege of witnessing 13 people see God in a new way. I get to pray over them every day. I have the opportunity to share the gospel in Africa again. I will be there as 13 college-aged people are challenged by new experiences. I get to watch them grow as a response to those challenges. And God will use all of this, and more, to grow me.
A wave of peace crashes over me as we get closer to our destination.
Wow. God is about to do a lot over the next 3 months and he has chosen me to partner with him.
As we begin to land, my question changes from “why am I doing this trip?” to “how am I so blessed?”
I am so incredibly grateful for this opportunity to step out of my comfort zone, to set aside what I want because I realize God has more for me. Now, I am filled with excitement and ready to truly begin this new adventure.
