“I am a broken man surrounded by broken men.”
This is just one of the quotes from our final ceremony that has stuck with me. This weekend, I served alongside several other brothers at a Walk To Emmaus men’s retreat in Dallas, Georgia. The men I served with had different jobs this weekend. For example, some were in charge of dorms, the chapel, prayer, gifts from the community etc. Mine was serving in the kitchen. The men I served with are who I want to be as I grow older. Men who have wives, children, and careers, and still recklessly run after God’s heart. Make me like them, Lord! We served almost 30 men. These men heard talks about God’s grace and learned what it looks like to be in a Christian community.
I went on the Walk retreat back in April, not expecting much. I don’t think I have ever felt so served and loved by a group of men. In fact, I went to this retreat hoping that God would show me what to do next in life and how to get there (including if I should switch from my original Race squad to the Expedition route). Instead, God wrapped me in His love and grace and told me to focus on Him and He would take care of my future and its details. Why do I forget this so often? Maybe I don’t forget it, but I neglect living out the obedience and trust.
The last 2 weeks since I have been back from training camp have been a roller coaster spiritually. At times, I have been high on Jesus and His love. And I’ve also had lows, like when I stare at the $5,000 in my Race account hoping it would magically change to $17,000. These highs and lows have gotten me a little motion sick. This weekend, God stabilized me, if not for just a brief time. He reminded me of how selfish I am. Not an angry “YOU ARE SELFISH, YOU DUMB IDIOT!” but more of a calm, caring Father:
“My son, you have forgotten your first Love. You are making yourself your first love. I am all worth living for. I am all that satisfies. Serving and loving others is why you are here on earth. Stop trying to medicate yourself with creature comforts. Stop trying to put pillows around your heart. Give your heart to me daily. Put off your old self daily. I WILL take care of you. I WILL raise this money. I control all the money in the world and I have called you to this missions trip. Do you doubt that, in an instant, I can release the funds to you? I am preparing you in this waiting season. I am teaching you dependency on Me. Not in books, not in Netflix, not in social media, not in a girlfriend, but in your Creator. Trust me, Taylor. I love you.”
I love you too, Father. And I believe!!!…help my unbelief.
Blog readers, I am a broken man. But I am also a child of God. And that makes me unbroken. Because of His Son, God makes me whole. The shackles to the slavery of fear have fallen off and He equips me to go into the furthest reaches of the world to make Him known.
But you know what else? He equips me to make Him known right here in Georgia right now. At the Moe’s I will go to today for Moe’s Monday. At the gym, I will be working at tonight scanning peoples’ ID cards. I have words and actions to give away that shout His Good News and my Hope.
Will You live this through me, Lord? Will You make me humble and others-focused? You know I can’t on my own, but through You, I can do all things. You are faithful and true, and I don’t want to live for me anymore. May every breath You grant me on this earth, whether here or abroad, proclaim You, my King.
