I’m empty and broken.
The two realities no one wants to admit or accept. The comfort of being okay and “faking it till you make it” seems far and distant. I am waking up in the morning to fall asleep at night. I guess you could say I’m numb.
The reality is I am mourning the loss of what my everyday life was for nine months. I was used to waking up to the same people- the people I have come to love and call family. Having in one way or another a purpose, a reason for being where I was. Having this unexplainable fire set inside me to make His name known to the people around me. Having a desire to bring hope to the widow, orphan, and stranger.
Next thing I know in the blink of an eye I am home. I’m falling asleep in Austin, Texas my favorite city and place to be. Home is America, land of the free… and all the comforts. Everything I need is suddenly more accessible than it has been in nine months and all the old habits are slowly creeping back.
All of the sudden I am seeing people I haven’t seen in nine months, and answering the same questions over and over again. How was it? Did you like it? What was your favorite? Now don’t get me wrong, I would probably be asking the same questions if I didn’t already know the answers. I tried to make my answers simple, because really how do you give an answer that will bring others clarity? My answers were so watered down that they just became empty statements, like a script I had to memorize for a show. That’s what my time home has been, a show. An act of me putting on a happy face trying to fool everyone that I was content to be where I was, when on the inside I was desperately desiring being back on the field.
I longed to be holding my kiddos whose names I can’t even pronounce, and saying hello to every single person I saw on the road. I even longed for the moments when I felt tired and straight up disgusting. For me the field was freedom and where I felt alive. It’s a place I love and miss dearly.
However recently a light at the end of the tunnel has become visible. I’m now here in Gainesville, Georgia for my Project Searchlight, and perhaps the biggest realization I’ve had is my purpose in life isn’t only significant because I was a missionary for nine months. My purpose in life is to glorify The Lord with all that I am and do. To glorify Him in every season and wherever He leads me. I don’t need a label placed over me to do that.
I have chosen to lay down my title of “World Racer” and “Missionary” and all the other titles that are not true of me. I am laying down the beliefs that I am a better person and a better Christian because of the race.
Here is the truth… I am Libby Davis. My Father is a King and I am his daughter. I have freely been given the keys to the kingdom. Greatness is instilled upon me, and I am called into it. I am seeking more than just the average and I’m running into the extraordinary that He has placed before me.
My time on the race may be over but my journey has just begun…
