I apologize for the blog posted before this with the video wrap-up that I had to take down. I finally got it up, and you can watch it here!
Looking back on my Race experience, I see it in a series of three parts. The first part was me trying to do everything on my own and take control of what I wanted. By Nepal, I felt God sitting me down at His feet for the next part: listening. During the next four months He took away what I didn’t need, and gave me everything I thought I couldn’t possibly deserve. The last three months felt like a period of trying to walk. God saying, “Alright, you have what you need. Now let’s get up and let’s try to move forward.”
I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.
China
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you,
I have called you by name,
you are mine. …
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored and I love you.”
Isaiah 43: 1, 4
The very first month of the Race, God taught me He wants me to live in freedom and He redeems me completely from my sin and shame. Throughout the whole month I kept seeing doves as a sign of this, and even had one parent offer to give me a dove as a farewell present. God brought so many joyful children into my life this month. One of them was a boy nicknamed Bill who, after teaching me how to kill zombies in a video game, declared, “I’m so happy!”
Mongolia
“Consider it pure joy, brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance complete its work in you so that you may be whole and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
James 1:2-5
It took me halfway through the Race to decide that I did in fact enjoy Mongolia. Mongolia was a month of hardships and trials in which God constantly encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and do hard things. I spoke in front of the church, became vulnerable with my team about my feelings, and began to learn how to hear God’s voice. My favorite memory of Mongolia will always be standing next to my friend, Mick, on the bus and talking to her in sentences made up of English and Japanese because I didn’t speak Mongolian and she didn’t really speak English.
Japan
“As an apple tree among the trees of the forest,
so is my beloved among the young men.
With great delight I sat in his shadow,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.”
Song of Solomon 2:3-4
Japan was a month of love: learning about God’s love for me as well as the passions He has put in my heart. I have always been in love with Japan, but never before this month had I felt God cheering me on in my desire to live in this country. Every day felt like I was at home and every person I met felt like family. Our host families played a huge part in my experience this month, especially my first host mom, Yuki. My favorite moment was staying up late one night just to scrapbook with her and ask her questions about her hopes and dreams.
Nepal
“My son, if you receive my word
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding:
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.”
Proverbs 2:1-5
I started this month desiring wisdom and knowledge of the Lord. One of my biggest prayers was, “Lord I want the gift of wisdom and I want to know you more!” He led me to read the book of Proverbs, which proved incredibly fitting for the month. Through a series of events I realized I wasn’t fearing the Lord, but fearing so many other things. I was afraid of the dark, nightmares, heights, the spiritual world, and of becoming sick. Of course, as I learned about the Fear of the Lord, I had to face all of these fears. One of the last days I felt incredibly grateful for the challenges of this month as I sat in one of our student’s house. She made us ramen on top of a fire and we laughed and talked, lacking in nothing.
India
“I formed you, you are my servant:
O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me.
I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud
and your sins like mist:
Return to me for I have redeemed you.”
Isaiah 44:21
If you ask me my favorite month, India will be one of my top answers, hands down. While we did a lot of door-to-door ministry and speaking in house churches, much of our time in India was comprised of waiting. In the waiting, I turned to God to just listen. Through the month He brought me to a place of letting go of past pain and hurt that others have done to me. By the end of the month I felt like a weight was lifted off of me and I desired to love the people we visited even more. Our last night visiting the slums, I became close to a family in a matter of hours and before I left, they presented me with golden bracelets and said they wanted to adopt me. With everything I let go of, it felt like a beautiful image of God adopting me into His family.
Malaysia
“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her,
she shall not be moved.
God will help her when morning dawns…
Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46: 4, 5, 10
Malaysia was a month of patience. I had to have patience for a week as our ministry didn’t start right away. Once ministry started, I had to have a huge amount of patience with the students I worked with. And throughout the whole month, I had to have a lot of patience for myself. While in India God helped me let go of the pain of what people have done to me, Malaysia He taught me to let go of the pain I had caused to other people. It became a month of mourning what has happened, letting go of that shame, and living in salvation. Despite how difficult I found the ministry, it’s hard not to feel the love and freedom of the Lord when you’re surrounded by 30 energetic children.
Thailand
“And we urge you brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:14-18
The months leading up to Thailand, God had been taking things I was unnecessarily carrying out of my bag: shame, hurt, fears. In Thailand, He filled me up with truth after truth about myself. Truths I had never dared to believe such as “you are more precious than gold. You were bought with the precious blood of Christ,” and “you are all together lovely.” One of the biggest ways he reconfirmed these truths was through the children we taught English to in the village we lived. There was one night in particular in which a little girl named Sophie (pictured above) fell asleep in my arms during worship. We could hardly hold a conversation and I had only known her for a few days, but I felt such a strong love for her and wanted her to keep sleeping peacefully. As I watched her sleep in my arms, everyone singing about being God’s children, I remembered the truth God had told me that day: “You are deeply loved.”
Cambodia
“He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
and burst their bonds apart.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
For he shatters the doors of bronze
and cuts in two the bars of iron.”
Psalm 107: 14-16
When people ask me my favorite country, I have a hard time coming up with a specific answer. But if they were to ask me my least favorite country, I wouldn’t hesitate and say Cambodia. At this point I was homesick and just plain old sick of the Race and community. Despite this, I knew I had to pursue the Lord even more and rejoice in what He was doing in Cambodia. God met me there and spoke so deeply about His love for me, His love for others, and how He is all around me despite my circumstances. Cambodia is a country where you can feel the oppression and darkness, and it wears on you. By the end of the month though, through the children we taught and the strength God gave us to keep pushing forward, we truly saw how God sets us free from the prisons we live in.
Vietnam
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live…”
Ecclesiastes 3:11,12
Vietnam came with a lot of changes as for the first time in four months we had new teams. Within the first week of ministry one of our teammates went back to the U.S. for personal reasons. It felt like this strange limbo in which I was beginning to think hard about home, but trying to stay present at the English Café we worked. When I think of Vietnam, I feel God was teaching me about time. Time can be such an incredible gift, but it can also feel like a curse. So many times, especially in Vietnam, I wanted to control the future and what was to come. As the month went on (and even now!) God taught me to continue giving that control to Him. When I gave Him the reigns and just enjoyed the present, I found life to be so beautiful.
Philippines
“You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God…
you shall be called My Delight is in Her,
and your land Married,
for the Lord delights in you
and your land shall be married.
For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you.”
Isaiah 62: 3-5
Going into the Philippines I was uneasy and constantly getting distracted by what I wanted from my time on the Race. Right away I felt the need to refocus on the Lord during the month. In this, God spoke to me so much about my worth and value as a woman. Never before had I felt so confident in who I am and who God made me to be, especially as a woman. I saw so much beauty and strength in the women around me. There was one girl I came to know very well; one of the missionary’s children. She had the biggest heart and compassion for those around. To this day I still think of sitting by the hut where a new litter of puppies was born and discussing plans with her for how she can save every stray puppy and kitten in the world. I knew God was rejoicing in her, and, in turn, I knew He was rejoicing in me.
Indonesia
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her her vineyards,
and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
and there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.”
Hosea 2: 14-15
Indonesia was one of my favorite months, but I can’t explain why. It was the closure I needed to the end of the Race with amazing friendships and unexpected experiences. I saw how the Lord woes me, but I also saw how He pursues others as well. One woman in particular showed me how much the Lord loves us and wants us to live in freedom. The ministry we worked with had been meeting with her for years, trying to help her leave the sex-trafficking industry. During the time we were there she had to have a major surgery to remove a tumor. Our hosts graciously brought her to the hospital and paid for her surgery. That week I sat day in and day out by her bed to make sure all of her needs were met. I spent hours praying for her and desired so badly for her to have complete freedom. Ultimately, instead of choosing to leave the industry, she went back to the streets. My heart broke for her and the woman I felt I had lost, but I knew all we could do was show her as much love and grace as possible. Looking back, I see now how this lavishing of unending love and forgiveness is exactly what the Lord constantly provides me and you.
Thank you everyone for being a part of this journey. I’ve said it a million times, but it doesn’t negate the truth: I could have never done this without any of you. Thank you!
