In the last 2 months I have experienced a lot of fear. Fear of being vulnerable and showing emotion, fear of being too much for my team, fear of not being a good enough teacher or preacher. But what I thought was a problem with fear is actually not a fear issue, its a problem with trust. I have not been trusting that the Lord would show up, but when has He never not shown up? When I came on the World Race I expected the Lord to break my heart for Africa, but that has not been the case. The Lord has broken me for fears and emotions and things that I have ignored for years. The Lord has not shown up like I expected. The Lord is teaching me so much right now through the story of Jonah.
God told Jonah to go to Nineveh but he didn’t at first….So Jonah was thrown into the ocean and eaten by a whale. Jonah prayed to God and the whale released him. Jonah then went to Nineveh to tell the people that their city would be destroyed because of their sinful behavior. The people prayed to God and repented so God decided not to destroy the city.
“This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry. So he complained to the Lord about it: “Didn’t I say before I left home that you would do this, Lord? That is why I ran away to Tarshish! I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people. Just kill me now, Lord! I’d rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen.” The Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry about this?”
Jonah 4:2-4
Jonah became angry with God because he changed His plans. Don’t we do this often? God did not do what Jonah wanted or expected him to do. We get angry with God sometimes when we do hard things and then they don’t turn out like we think they should. We set limits on what we think God can do and what we want God to do. We are willing to do hard things for God, but only to a certain extent.
Jonah obeyed God, but he didn’t trust Him. He did not recognize the good that God was doing. We don’t understand everything that God does and that’s okay, we aren’t supposed to understand. I obeyed God by coming on the World Race, but I have not been trusting that He has my best interest. I have not been trusting that He knows better.
In my fears and tears and struggles this month I have felt so weak. However, again God has been teaching me so much through Paul’s letters in 2 Corinthians. Paul experienced many hardships and to keep from boasting in himself and his own power he was given a thorn in his flesh to keep from becoming proud.
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
We ask God to take things away from us that are hard, but His plans are greater than ours. His perspective is much higher and He can see the whole picture. We cannot. Sometimes God gives us painful things in our lives and it is for our good and His glory even if we can’t see that. We must trust that He knows better. We look at things straight ahead and He looks at them from above. He sees the end of the story and we can’t. Paul trusted that God knew better. He finally realized that God had more for him.
So many times in the last 2 months I have prayed for God to take away my fears and my pain. However, when I am weak and struggling and their is less of me, then more of Him is able to shine through. I have repeated the verse “for when I am weak, then I am strong,” so many times in past few weeks.
God taught Jonah that His ways are higher and that He knows best. God taught Paul that there is so much strength in weakness and vulnerability…. God is teaching me that His ways are higher and His power can do more than I think possible.
Whether we act like Paul and we trust God in our suffering or we act like Jonah and do not trust God we serve a God that is still so good and He wants more for us everyday. We serve a God that loves us. He doesn’t need us to do His work or change the world.. He wants us to.
After realizing that I don’t trust God and that weakness is a strength the Lord kinda slapped me in the face with this passage…
“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.”
1 John 4:16-18
Because of my fear and ultimately my mistrust that shows that I don’t understand God’s love for me. His love covers my fear and if I understand His love then the rest doesn’t matter. The Lord is rocking my world right now… like #WOAH.
In Rwanda the Lord is asking much of me.
He is asking me to trust Him wholly.
If you get a chance check out the song “Give Me Faith” by Elevation Worship.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Voi3JM8ZA
“I may be weak, but Your Spirit’s strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.”
We’re doing the thing!
Much love, Carson
