Greetings from Malaysia!
My squad and I have reached month eleven of our adventure. Most of us are beyond tired and with the finish line in sight, we’re dreaming of home. In many ways it feels like we’re already done. We’ve traveled the world, been to eleven different countries, four different continents, and have had the privilege of serving. I’ve personally seen God at work, witnessed miracles, seen people delivered from demons, children hear the name of Jesus for the first time, and grown men overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit as they give their lives to Christ. We’re not done yet. God’s not done yet. There are still a few precious weeks left on this Race and I’m looking forward to seeing God do more amazing things! After all the end of the World Race isn’t a finish line for the journey I’m on with Jesus, it’s simply a bend in the road.
It’s been said that everyone has their breaking point. I’m not sure that’s true, but I found mine in month ten. The spiritual high I had been on had lasted nearly a year. Training camp last October really got me fired up. I was reminded who I am as a son of our Father, experienced a new level of freedom, and for the first time started fully putting my trust in the Lord. I’ve shared before my struggles with self worth and how God has provided healing. As a child, my relationship with my earthly father drove a wedge between me and my Heavenly Father. Satan is a liar and a deceiver. He looks for any opening, any chink in your armor, any signs of weakness, and takes any opportunity to exploit you. Though I now fully understand how I have let my past affect me, and now know how much God loves me, I still find it difficult at times to bridge the gap to loving myself.
Last month was tough. The month did have its highlights, (turning 30 in Thailand surrounded by 11 of my brothers!) but ministry was slow, my team was split up for “Manistry Month”, I was facing new challenges in leadership, and I was fighting through Dengue Fever. Hours lying in bed turned into hours of contemplating the future, questioning God, and asking him what he had in store for me. I came to the conclusion that I don’t need to know. I simply need to seek first the kingdom of God, pick a direction, ask God to lead me, bless my efforts, and most of all TRUST him. SMART! Trusting God has been something I have been growing in this year. Towards the end of the month I slipped. I won’t go into what the straw was that broke this camel’s back but I broke. I went back to what is still my default and started questioning my worth. Though I know God is great, that he provides, and anything is possible through him, I started doubting that he would do that for me.
Going into month eleven of the Race not knowing what’s next is a little scary. Fear isn’t of the Lord, and if I would have been trusting him it would have been no problem, but I wasn’t, and it was. The reality of the situation is that I am about to enter into a new season where I will need to rely on the Lord more than ever before. I left what little I had to embark on The World Race and answer the call so clearly from the Lord to GO. In the eyes of the world I’m coming back further behind than when I left. I’m a 30 old bachelor, with no money, no job, no car, no permanent place to call home, and no concrete plan. As I started to look at myself/my life through that lense, I started to re-evaluate my worth, and I started to lose sight of who God says I am. Thankfully, I have some really great people in my life who love me enough to point me back towards Jesus when I was losing sight of truth. The truth is: I am a son, I am loved, I have value. Jesus was sent to die for my sins, so that I may live in freedom, and live in close relationship with my father! God wouldn’t make such a tremendous sacrifice for me unless he thought I was worth it, and you’re worth it too!
Most of the time when I think of God, while in prayer, or in worship, I get visions of nature. I think of light coming through the clouds, a breeze coming in over the ocean, or mountains towering towards the heavens. A couple of weeks ago I closed my eyes and had a vision of all three. I saw myself standing on the edge of a rocky cliff, overlooking open ocean. The sun was hanging low in the sky and it’s golden reflection cascaded across gentle waves. I could feel its warmth on my face and the wind willing me forward to jump off of the ledge. It was easy in that moment to trust that though I could not see land, that wind would carry me to safety. Since that time I’ve been coming to peace with what God was telling me in that moment. In three weeks time I’ll land in San Francisco and it will be time to jump. I can’t see where I will land but I trust God to carry me to safety. He is faithful. He has never failed me before and he isn’t going to start now. I know that this next season is going to be full of challenges but I’m excited to continue growing closer and closer to him. Praise God, the fear is gone!
As I was about to hit post on this blog, I got an email from one of my mentors who shared the scripture below. God is so cool!
