It’s been a while since I last checked in, and I have so much to share with you! On the 4th of July our squad ended our time in Africa to begin the next leg of our journey in Eastern Europe. The past three months in Africa were hard, really hard, but at the same time beautiful. I have so many stories of the Lord’s faithfulness. I’ve witnessed first hand the Holy Spirit at work changing people’s lives. I saw grown men fall to their knees and weep as they accepted Christ as their savior for the first time, I saw the Lord continue to move in new ways, and was even able to feel the peace only He can provide during a brief bout of malaria. Through all of this He has continued to teach me new things about Him and about myself. I really want to share some of those stories with you, but today isn’t the day. Last night I was woken up several times, feeling convicted that I had not shared what I felt what He was telling me to share months ago. I have no idea who this message is for but I have faith that someone reading this will be impacted. Maybe that person is you?
The night our squad arrived in Africa I was blessed with good enough wifi to chat with a close friend back home for a few minutes. He and I have been close for years, and we have seen each other through some pretty rough times. He has always been one of the people I call when I need to chat, need some advice, or simply someone to grab a beer with. I’ve been able to connect with him several times throughout the race, but this one conversation still stands out to me. I had just experienced a ton of growth and revelation in the three months I had spent in South America, and I felt God’s gentle nudge to start a deeper conversation. I started with an apology.
Caleb “This may sound a little out of left field, but I wanted to apologize to you for any times I have misrepresented myself as a Christian or been a hypocrite. For a long time I have been pretty wishy washy with my faith and I think that is pretty dangerous.”
I have always claimed to be a Christian but for many years I wasn’t walking with the Lord. Over the past few months I’ve met countless individuals who believe in God but have been hurt by the church. They have seen the actions of men and women like myself who have claimed to be Christians but have misrepresented the Lord that they serve. Like I said, Dangerous! Though I’ve never done this intentionally, it’s scary to think about the negative impact my actions may have had on His kingdom. Our conversation continued.
Friend “Your faith needs no label and no need to apologize to me. Your faith is your business and has no bearing on our friendship.”
Caleb “I understand. The way a person represents themselves is important. I have fallen short in the past and wanted to get that off my chest.”
Friend “You shouldn’t judge yourself. That’s against what you believe, correct?”
My friend wasn’t wrong but I think he was missing a few pieces of the puzzle.
I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 1 Corinthians 4:3
But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment. 1 Corinthians 11:31
Caleb “There is a difference between having conviction for what is right and wrong and condemning yourself for something. I give myself grace because I know that God gives me grace, but I don’t think that grace is a get out of jail free card.”
Friend “Correct, but your short comings are already known. Free will was a gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted and neither should His forgiveness for being human.”
Caleb “True. Free will is a tremendous gift. God forgives us because he loves us. He loves us despite our shortcomings. I believe that shortcomings (sin) come between us and intimacy with Him. So even though I know I am forgiven and I know He gives me grace, I am striving to be more like Christ, to be closer to God. It’s not about condemning myself or others for sin, it’s about my relationship with my Father.”
Friend “You don’t have to change who you are to be closer to God. I’m not religious, but God, in the Bible, or whoever translated it said to ‘come as you are’ right?”
Caleb “Well I wouldn’t say my actions define who I am.” I define myself as a child of God. “I don’t think that God is going to love me more or use me based on my actions. However, I do believe that the more I follow His teachings, the more I will be able to see the impact on my life and others around me and the more I will be able to spread God’s love to people I encounter. The Bible says similar things but never specifically says come as you are. God is inviting everyone into his kingdom, and though He loves us all equally and he grants us grace, that isn’t him condoning sin. Time for bed. It’s almost 1:00 A.M. Here.”
Friend “Can’t wait for you to come home and Jesus talk me all the time.”
I didn’t know what to expect when I felt God’s gentle nudge to apologize, but I think our conversation pointed us both towards God and left us both thinking deeper about Him. In the past few months since our conversation I’ve thought a lot about grace, how to grant it to myself in a healthy way, and how I can grant it to others in a loving way. The biggest revelation that I have had stemming from this conversation has been that what God has been teaching me, isn’t for me, it’s for me to share. The knowledge I gain, the grace I have been granted, and His love are for me to give away to people like my friend.
“But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.” 2 Corinthians 2:14-17
I’m still about $700 short from my financial deadline due at the end of the month. Someone has offered to match dollar for dollar any donation made this next week up to $500. Please consider partnering with me and keeping me on this journey.
