The Lord has walked me through more than I ever expected since leaving on the Race. He has trudged with me through sin I struggle with (and why), He has brought me to breaking points where I’m crying my eyes out and the tears won’t stop, He has walked with me into freedom from dependence on others and lead me to living in dependence on Him. He has made me do things I don’t want to do, showing me the continual promise that He is always with me. Being on the Race is a lot like eating a sour patch kid. It’s sour when the Lord trudges with you through tough things, but overall, it’s sweet because you know in the deepest part of your heart that it shouldn’t be any other way at this perfect time.
This past week, the sacrifice of leaving on the Race truly became real to me. The thrill became a thing of the past, and remaining present felt extremely hard with huge opportunities ahead for ministry and travel. There are more days behind me now than there are ahead of me. I am beginning to freak out about “what’s next” and not rest in the promise that God has it all figured out. One of my closest friends from back home announced her engagement to her boyfriend last weekend and I found out the wedding is due to happen before I return home.
There is sacrifice in saying yes to the call of Jesus and if you’re like me, you don’t realize it until big and life changing events happen and you’re not there to be part of them because you said yes. It’s in these moments where I’m struggling with the sacrifice it was to leave when He asks me if He’s still enough at the end of the day; if what He has to offer me is better than the expectations I placed upon my own life and if I’m willing to keep fulfilling the call He placed on my heart to “go and make disciples of all the nations… teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you…” and do I trust that “surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age?”
It’s in my most intimate moments with Jesus where I’m angry and mad at His perfect timing, throwing my bible at the wall that He gently reminds me of the goodness He has made come to pass in the past half of a year since coming on the Race. He tells me of all the things that came to pass in the year of preparation it took to leave. He reminds me of all the amazing promises He has kept and He reminds me of all the times He provided a way, an invitation for me to simply take hold of.
He has brought me up the mountains of Nepal and through cold rivers that reached my waist in water. He has helped me survive the rushing waters of the Nile River and conquer my fear of free falling downward with a rope attached to my ankles. He has helped me walk miles in the African heat. He provided more than enough funding to keep me on the Race. He has given me children every month to pour into, encourage, and love. He has shown me the depths of His love through children and locals, team mates, team leaders, and our leadership team who are fighting for us back in the states. He has given me a heart for people with no hope, because through His work in me, and through Him in me, I am humbly able to bring that hope and encouragement to people who are lost and in need of help.
This journey with Jesus is more than an invitation to say yes to an amazing love and friendship than you will ever experience in your life. It’s more than the sweet and sour taste of a sour patch kid in your mouth. It’s bigger than me or you. To sacrifice time and life away from our ordinary comforts in the states, friends, and family means saying yes like Jesus did when He died on the cross for us. It means acknowledging that He is enough, constantly turning our eyes up toward Him. It means seeking that intimacy He desires with us, walking with Him in every hard moment and every awesome moment. It means stepping fully into who He created us to be even when things might not turn out the way we expected them to in this world. In the world, there’s always going to be a “bad time” or there’s going to be “no time” and there is always going to be room to say no to the invitations God gives each and every one of us.
In the end, though, there’s always going to be a sacrifice whether or not we are saying yes and no. Sacrifice might sting like the taste of a sour patch kid on the tip of your tongue on certain days. However, it’s always sweet after you’ve had some time to taste, deliberate, and continue to live out in joy and love what it means to get up and follow Him no matter what.
A million times over – if we’re talking about whether or not Jesus is worth the sour and sweet taste that sacrifice brings – I’m always going to say yes.
