I’d tell her to wait. Things seem to not make sense right now, but in the future they will. I’d tell her to hold onto her dreams. I’d tell her that there are so many new experiences and people that she hasn’t met yet and that in five years she wouldn’t believe where she’ll be because what-the-heck-that’s-impossible. Oh, but it is.
I’d tell her to stop fretting about the college she’s going to go to because she’s going to transfer away from Vermont and find her place in Massachusetts anyway. I’d tell her to let go, let go, let go already! I’d tell her that she needs to speak up more and use the voice she knows she has. I’d tell her to stop worrying about what others think. I’d tell her to laugh more, like she’s wheezing because that’s the laugh people want to hear anyway. The authentic one, the real one. The laugh that snorts and doesn’t stop. The type that brings tears to her eyes, brings her to her knees, and makes her stomach hurt so much she feels like she could grow abs from it.
When Ashley at 17 asks about dating, I’ll tell her that it’s not going to happen any time soon, so I’ll tell her to be patient, keep hope (because God will tell her one Wednesday night in the future that she is getting married, but not to who yet). I’ll tell her that the thing about God is that He almost never tells us what He’s doing, and most things come from the left field when she’s least expecting it anyway. I’ll tell her to stop expecting things to happen, because most of the beautiful things in life happen when we’re not looking or expecting them to.
I’d tell 17 year old Ashley to take a risk and use her gut feelings because most of the time they’re right, but sometimes they’re not, and when they’re not I’d tell her that it’s okay because in the process of pain and hurt, so much restoration can happen and it is possible. And when she asks “how?” I’ll tell her that there’s this thing called prayer she doesn’t even know about yet. When she asks what that is, I’ll tell her about Jesus and love. I’ll tell her how she’ll be on a journey bigger than her mind can see right now, and I’ll tell her that it’s possible to be at peace because that’s what Jesus offers to us next to the best kind of love possible.
I’d tell Ashley at 17 to keep stepping forward and to keep her spontaneous nature, because her spontaneous nature will lead to the best decisions, the best kinds of pains, the best kind of growing, and the best kinds of adventures she will ever experience. I’ll tell her that when her parents and family don’t understand, it will be okay, because being a free spirit with Jesus is better than being bound by the wishes of other people. When she asks about hope and love, I’ll tell her that her hope will one day be in Jesus, but it will take millions and trillions of seconds, minutes, and days to really get it.
I’ll tell her to keep reflecting. I’ll tell her to keep hoping. I’ll tell her that when she stands in the back of a black pickup truck at twenty years old going 60 miles an hour down the highway in Honduras with friends on her team, she’ll get that feeling only life and being alive can give her. I’ll tell her that she’ll feel so happy and she’ll get it, it will click.
It will click in car rides at 18 and in times of transition with friends and especially in the moments she doesn’t see coming. I’ll tell her there will be moments she won’t be able to see what’s happening (like that time she walked through a 142 foot waterfall in Honduras), and even when she is afraid, there will be people holding her hands to help her get through the blinding water and when they let go, she’ll be able to look back and see what she made it though, because things come together better in hindsight anyway.
I’ll tell her she’s beautiful. I’ll tell her she’s worth it. Worth dying for.
And when she asks “how do you know?”
I’ll tell her it’s because God knows.
All my Love,
Ashley
– – –
P.S. I’m only about $1,300 away from my first deadline of $3,500 by Mid-June for Training Camp in July!! I’m asking that if you have read this and resonate at all with this blog, please prayerfully consider Giving Up something by helping me to meet my goal a month and a half before the fact! We have all made it so far already, would you consider joining me by helping me out with a small donation? Click Support Me at the top of this blog and from there, you will be prompted on how to donate electronically. It takes a village!! Thanks for your support!!
