In My last Blog I told about how the door to squad leading was closed (for the time being it seems) God had more work to in me and I had no idea how, when or, where that would be done. this is how it went.
Not long after I got home from vacation with my family I was headed for Project Search Light. A big gathering for the most recent World Race Alumni to come together and debrief all the feelings and emotions since returning home; and to help and kinda decide what to do next. If I’m completely honest, I was there mostly to see all my squad mates again. But as the Lord would have it (and He usually wants it this way) He had plans and things He wanted to tell me and show me right when i thought i had figured it out on my own. Another very long story short, there were a few moments that propelled me to where I am now.
The first was the prophetic prayer time. this was a time for the A.I.M staff to pray for racers and tell them what images or words they were getting from the lord. I wasn’t sure what I was going to hear or experience but i felt like I need to go to one. it lasted about ten minutes and I quite bit shown to me:
1) and image of a carpenter whittling a block of would. the carving was done and it had its shape perfect. all that needs to be done is sanded down and painted.
2) an Image of a brown back pack on a table. the backpack had everything in it that i would need for this next season and all i had to do was be willing to open it and unpack it.
3) the phrase “let your true colors show”
4) and lastly was “you have a voice that the lord wants to use if you let Him” the image that went along with that was a yodeler in the mountains. how the sound bounces of the mountainsides for miles and everyone can hear it.
This prayer time was encouraging but still really unclear and vague. I was thinking “okay that’s great, but I still have no idea what I’m supposed to do. that doesn’t give me any direction whats so ever”
The second thing was one particular even session of worship. My team mate James (who has had visions for me in the past) had another one for me when worship started that night. He said he saw me wondering in the desert. i was looking battered and confused and had fallen on my hands and knees looking up. That God was looking back down at me and smiling as he handed me a sword and a shield. it was at that point that i broke down and cried as hard as i ever have. for the whole worship set. Every single song was about how good God is. Emotionally i could hold back anymore. feelings and emotions i thought I had dealt with were resurfacing and pouring. Every time i thought maybe the crying was over more tears kept kept coming. I’m still not sure what they feelings and emotion were but whatever the case they needed to be let out. as if every fear, guilt, shame, all my anger, and frustration in the last few months (possibly years) had disappeared as each tear fell. It was badly needed…I’m just glad the lights were turned off.
The 3rd thing was revisiting past experiences i had on the race (and years before) and seeing where God was in those moments. most of them were hard memories. things that happened that were difficult. Seeing how faithful He was to me then, That He was faithful to me now, and that He was going to faithful to me tomorrow. Its amazing how simply finding God in moments of weakness or hardship can change your perspective on suffering and the trials of life. How in our darkest hour, when we think we are going break, when we we feel like all we have is pain and heartache. God never lets go.
The last was over the whole week of Project Searchlight, i would talk to people and we ask each other how things were going and what was next and it became very common to hear people ask me about CGA. I knew about it and knew what it was about but had no interest (CGA “Center for Global Action” is a leadership development program for World Race alumni). I was so sure Squad leading was my next step and that CGA was beneath me at this point. I did not want to do CGA. And the more i was asked or told about it, the less i wanted to do it. But it kept coming up. and slowly “no” turned into “I don’t know” and “I don’t know” turned into “maybe.” On the last night of worship my squad leader prayed over me. After he was done he told me he felt the was telling him that “Kirby should do CGA” I heard that and didn’t know what to think. I went back to praying and worshiping to myself but CGA kept running through my head and each time it did, the better i felt about it. I felt great about it actually. It wasn’t until the next day that i finally pulled the trigger.
And Now here I am at CGA in Gainesville, Georgia writing a blog from a coffee shop. I have alot of work to do. ill blogging more in the very near future informing you all about how you can support me. i want to thank you all who have been with me every step of the way so far this has been just as much your journey as has been mine. thank you so much for being willing to be apart of it.
peace and many blessings.
