On the World Race, we are encouraged to do this activity where we go back to some of our past, painful memories and ask Jesus where he was in those moments. I’ve done this a few times and He has actually shown me where He was and what He was doing in those moments. It adds a greater perspective to the memory and ultimately provides the healing necessary to move on.
Recently, Satan was trying to attack with past memories of my sin, specifically with men in my life. I was nervous to ask this question but I asked God where He was in a specific instance. He surprised me with an answer. At first I just saw Him looking out at me and yelling, “STOP!”
I escaped from the memory because of the shame. I didn’t want to re-live it. I wanted to move on, but God reminded me that only He can heal and help me truly move on. Only He can provide what I truly need.
So I let my mind drift back…
I saw Him again but this time He was on the cross. He wasn’t yelling stop out of wanting to cause me shame but out of love. He was dying, hanging on that Cross and yelling, “STOP! I’m doing this FOR YOU so you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. I’m doing this so that you can truly be my daughter and no longer be an orphan.”
In that moment, I knew the Truth. I knew the source of my healing: God and His love.
God’s love is crazy. Honestly, I think it’s crazy and reckless and “all in” and radical and something I truly can’t wrap my mind around. It’s because of that incomprehensibility that I believe in Him and that love. Why would I want to believe in something I can wrap my mind around; it can’t be that powerful if I can grasp all parts of it.
But that’s the love that was on the Cross. That’s the love that covers over a multitude of sins, including the ones that I am ashamed to call Him to see. Even those. Even the ones I would rather die than tell anyone about. Even those. His love covers all of those.
That’s the love that made it possible for me to be in His presence. Without that act of love, I’d be a completely different person, suffering from trying to prove myself and allowing the world to define me to what it wants.
His love doesn’t make me perfect; it’d be kind of nice if it did. His love makes me forgiven, sets free from shame. His love gives me hope and joy and accepts me as I am. His love is…not too good to be true. It’s real.
The coolest part? He loves EVERYONE with that love. Doesn’t matter who you think you are. He loves YOU with that love.
Believe it and see what happens.
