I have wandered most of my life.
Wandering means to either travel without a purpose or destination, or, to leave a fixed path or straight course.
Wandering can be fun, it can take you on an adventure, but most, if not all of the time, the adventure is not what you planned. Much like this, is my World Race…. an adventure that was never planned.
I personally can say I have wandered through high school and college, making relationships that both have lasted and crumbled; I have wandered through choices, making well thought out and spontaneous decisions; I, like most Christians in a relationship with God, have wandered through my faith, fully relying on His goodness and mercy, and completely doubting His plans.
So this all got me wondering….. does all of the wandering pay off? Does God intend for me to wander through the rest of my life? If I ask Him, won’t he just give me all the answers?
I don’t know honestly.
I think of the newly freed Israelites wandering in the wilderness for forty years…I know they were wondering what God was doing. Aimless. But only aimless because they didn’t trust God. Wondering why they were being punished. Again.
Because wondering is just another form of questioning, which is another form of doubt.
DOUBT. DOUBT. DOUBT.
I am good at doubt.
Oh God, help my un-belief.
God wants us to stop wandering, and stop wondering and look to Him. The Lord waited until the generation of doubting Israelites had passed on, He led the new, trusting generation to the Promise Land.
“I want to go to there.” (in the wise words of Liz Lemon…30 Rock quote)
I was listening to Come ‘Thou Fount of Every Blessing’ by Sufjan Stevens before typing this out, here is a small portion of the song lyrics with a link for the song below…
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be
Let that grace now like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
God found me wandering, He rescued me with His precious blood, yet daily, I have to ask He bind my wandering heart to His. I ask He take and seal my heart for His purposes, that I will not wonder what He is doing but trust Him, that I will not wander away, but walk beside Him.
This Race is already testing me, I have wandered off here and there in doubt and confusion that tears me apart, I have wondered over and over if this is actually for me (and I’m sure you have too) but it is.
And I want to leave my wandering self behind and walk with direction in the path laid before me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1bSlS6OWTs
I am 1 teeny tiny % away from being at 1/3 of my fundraising goal!
What?! I know! In only 7 short weeks I have raised, $5,644 (checks still being processed)
Crazysauce. I am blessed. And I’m counting my blessings, one by one. If you feel led to donate there is a ‘Support Me’ tab up there on the left side of my page… there are also directions to donate by mail if you prefer with no fee! Have questions? Ask away. Please continue to be in prayer for my journey… love to you all.
