And just like that the Race is half way over. Woah. How did that happen? The last 5 1/2 months have been the longest and shortest of my life. There have been times I’ve literally been in tears wishing I could just go home, but looking back I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. A lot has changed, I don’t really look different… No drastic changes. But still when I look in the mirror, I see someone different than the person I saw looking back at me the day before launch, or even in Peru, 3 months ago.
While I was struggling through the first 4 months, God was busy chiseling away the dirty, ugly, rotten prices of my heart. The process was painful and it isn’t fun to have to look inside of yourself at the parts you’ve been trying to ignore. I remember one night in Peru wondering what the heck I thought I was doing on something like the World Race. “Here I am trying to act like I’m a good person, did I really think I could help anyone?” I wrote in my journal. It was probably the lowest I’ve felt in years. My team wasn’t getting along and all my past unforgiveness, bitterness and anger were welling up inside of me. I found out my grandma was sick and I didn’t feel like I was helping anyone. I remember praying to God that He would just take me back to square 1. My relationship with Him wasn’t where I wanted it to be and I wanted to replace my legalistic tendencies with His presence and love.
Unfortunately and fortunately it didn’t happen overnight. I still just wanted to go home, but my stubbornness kept me going. “I said I was going to do this, so I’m going to do it. God put me here for a reason” I thought to myself constantly. And I’m glad I stuck it out. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be experiencing the freedom I’m feeling now.
Over the past few months God has been redeeming what I thought was irredeemable. I have to say that I feel closer to my family now, than I have in a long time. I’ve been able to share my testimony and God is using the things I’ve been ashamed of for His glory. I’m okay with being me. I have so much room to grow, but I know that I am loved right where I am. My pride has been shaken and I’ve been humbled in the best ways.
I told my testimony to my new team last week and was amazed at how difficult it was to remember certain things. It was hard to remember, because I haven’t been thinking about it. I gave it to God, so it hasn’t been on my mind constantly.
I have to say that God is opening my eyes and absolutely blowing my mind with all of the opportunity that is opening up for my future. I’m not the broken little girl I was 6 or even 3 months ago.
Please join me in prayer that the next 5 1/2 months will be full of more growth and opportunity than the last. It’s go time. I want to be more intentional, bold, vulnerable, loving, gracious and humbled in the coming months.
I have 2 1/2 weeks left to raise $4,500 in order to be fully funded and to complete this journey. Please consider making a donation and let all your friends know! Even $5 helps 🙂
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Phil. 1:6
