It was a cool night in Pretoria, South Africa. The bon fire was blazing as we had Squad worship at Beam House before heading into month 4 of our race. It was a beautiful night, the stars were out and our voices were loud. I craved time with Jesus, so I laid down and closed my eyes….
Moments later I found myself in our Cove =) My favorite place to be. The atmosphere was alive! The tress swaying in the breeze and the flowers giving off a glorious sweet smell that permeated the air. The Waterfall surging off the mountain and into the pool below as the waves crash on the shoreline. The stars out and the moon full and bright touching everything with soft moonbeams…..
In Pretoria the squad began singing about the cross and as they sang….
A simple wooden cross appeared in the Meadow of my cove. I didn’t want a cross smack dab in the middle of the meadow so I imagined it gone and away it went. Nothing had ever appeared out of no where before so that was odd, and as I looked around Jesus wasn’t beside me. Also odd. As I began to wonder where Jesus might be, another cross appeared, only this time by the waterfall. Ugh. I got rid of this one as well. As soon as it was gone another one was on the beach! Frustrated, I got rid of this one too, thinking just because this is a meeting place for me and Jesus doesn’t mean there has to be a cross here to prove its a Holy. Specially I thought “That cheesy Christian symbol doesn’t have to be everywhere”
Before you get to upset with me for calling the Cross cheesy…stick with me.
The cross on the beach disappeared and without missing a beat Jesus was by side pulling me into an embrace as we danced in the moonlight of our meadow. I completely forgot about the crosses popping up everywhere and Jesus and I began talking. I asked whether God and Holy Spirit could join us for the evening. We discussed this much the way a couple would discuss family coming to visit. Jesus saying yes of coarse that would be nice, me volunteering what we could do when they came. As we were dancing and talking Jesus became less engaged. As though His mind was full and His heart heavy. Before I had a chance to ask or really even notice, He said He had to go. WHOA! Jesus never left me before. I leave but when I come back He is there, waiting for me, always. He has never once said He had to go. Confused I asked why…He said He just had to, and He was gone… Gone! I was mystified…He left me…..As I stood there looking around I saw Him across the cove walking up the side of the mountain. The atmosphere surging around me, something wasn’t right. I trailed behind silently. I simply watched Him walk. I sensed God and Holy Spirit walking beside me. I looked to each of them for answers in turn, but as I glanced back to Jesus I was aware of bruises on His skin. In fact, with every step He took, a new bruise or wound appeared on His body and with every step my anxiety grew. I began to panic. Confusion and heartache enveloped me. God and Holy Spirit walked beside me the whole way, feeling everything. When we reached the top He was battered and bruised. I was in hysterics. Then, a Cross appeared before Him and without warning He was on it. I fell to my knees sobbing. God and Holy Spirit holding me from both sides weeping as we watched Him die. When I looked up God and Holy Spirit were beside Him as well. Comforting Him. Telling Him how proud they were of Him. How much they loved Him. He looked into my eyes and I into His. His love for me written all over Him. This was all for me. Next, he lay limp in my arms. My tears covering His damaged form. Our tears. We circled Him and wept, longing to see those eyes again. God placed Him in the tomb in the mountain and Holy Spirit rolled the stone in front. We stood holding hands staring at the mountain which contained Him.
I turned from the mountain, heart to heavy to see it any longer, eyes dry with no more tears left to cry. I looked out over the Cove and to the beach. My eyes red and puffy from crying barely made out the figure in white board shorts, a white tee, and His hair pulled into a pony. Before I could truly process what was happening my feet were carrying me down the mountain. I practically flew across the beach sand clouding in my wake. There he was, that huge grin on His face, arms open wide, and those Eyes so impossibly full of love staring directly in to mine =) I leapt into His arms!! He laughed and He swung me around and around. Whispering in my ear how much He loves me as always. He was present, no longer distracted. Fully there. Fully engaged.
He never scolded me about saying the Cross was cheesy. He didn’t get mad or angry. We never even mentioned it. But in my cove, at the top of the right mountain, there is a Cross standing tall and its not going anywhere!!
