While in Thailand, our host, Sharon, was really huge on identity, and people really knowing what it means to be made in the image of Christ. Looking back, I strongly believe she is one of the reasons God had me at that ministry site in Thailand. Identity is something I’ve struggled with for a long time (without knowing it actually).
All month long she would have different lessons, dive into scripture with us, as well as share some of her testimony. She strongly believed that a person can’t really share Jesus and love others until they are 100% confident in their identity in Christ. Because comparison will always creep in. And I couldn’t agree more. Comparison truly is the thief of joy.
Throughout the course of Thailand, there was a lot of baggage and insecurities that popped up at different times for different reasons. So by the end of the month I was finished. In my heart I decided I was no longer going to struggle with these things anymore. So before we left for the month, I met with Sharon and she led me through several inner healing prayers. And I met with another missionary, Amy, who shared with me some of her experiences as well.
Ultimately, I knew it came down to me really knowing what the Bible says about me. I’ve heard it throughout my entire life, but it was time to really dive in and fully understand the truths God says about me. Reading them wasn’t enough though; I needed to write them down. I needed to memorize a few. In order to help make these truths stick, I decided I’d make a journal specifically dedicated to quotes and scripture I found about identity and image. So I went to the trusty night market in Chiang Rai, and bought myself a cute little journal with an elephant on it. As a guide, I also downloaded a document that gives many of the verses about identity and image throughout the Bible.
Ever since then, I’ve been writing scripture and verses down that speak truth into my identity and image in Christ. When we first got to Laos, I was continuing to seek out these truths.
(Fast forward to Laos) We’re living in a house this month. Upon arrival, the first thing I noticed when we walked in was the amount of Buddha posters, statues, and the prayer alter that is in the front yard. My immediate reaction was to pray over the house before we even fell asleep that first night. I could feel a dark presence in and around the house, and I felt anxious from just being there. So we turned some worship music on, and as a team we worshiped and prayed over every inch of that house. We prayed for any evil to be cast out in Jesus name, and for the Holy Spirit to flood each room.
(Now rewind to Malaysia) There were a couple nights in Malaysia where I had very demonic nightmares and experiences. Nightmares that were very clearly spiritual warfare. It was the first time I had ever experienced these things in that way. Up to that point, demons and spiritual warfare had always been something I’d only heard about in stories. All the sudden it was so real… and scary. Ever since those nightmares and experiences, there have been certain nights (completely random) where I’ll be literally paralyzed with fear, and feel heavy darkness engulfing me. To the point where I feel trapped to my bed. I hadn’t struggled with it since mid Thailand, but several nights ago I was once again paralyzed with that same fear and heaviness in our house. Immediately, I began praying for it to go away, but it didn’t. So I got my audio Bible out, and started listening to scripture. It helped me go to sleep, but literally every hour I would wake up and be engulfed in an overwhelming fear again. I know fear is not of the Lord, and I know there is power in Jesus name, but I was to the point where I didn’t know how to shake it. And I didn’t understand why what I was doing wasn’t getting rid of it.
The next morning I talked to a few people about it; people who have had much more experience with it than I have. One of those people I talked to being my dad. He gave me several chapters in the Bible to read… chapters that talk about how Jesus dealt with spiritual warfare. And he also told me to read and memorize Romans 8:15.
“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’”
I loved it. It hit home. I’ve read it before. In fact I’ve read all of Romans several times. But, after my experiences, it took on an entirely different meaning. I had a better understanding of what that verse actually meant. And I also felt like it spoke truth into my identity in Christ… so guess what? I wrote it down in my snazzy new identity journal I was telling you about at the beginning of this blog.
So the next morning, I decided I wanted to get my little journal and that document for scriptural references out, and continue researching scripture on identity and image. The last one I had written down was Psalm 139:13-14 so I was going down the list to find the next reference.
Romans 8:15. That was the very next one on the list.
A smile crept across my face, and my heart was immediately warmed. My dad and my Dad were telling me the same things. It was a pretty neat moment for me that morning.
It’s a simple story. Not super profound or miraculous, but special for me nonetheless. You may read this and question why I wrote a blog about it, but it’s one of those moments that I’ll always remember. And the cool part is, I literally felt like Jesus was sitting right next to me at the kitchen table that morning wrapping his arms around me. A nice warm embrace to remind me that I’m His daughter, and that nothing in the world can ever change that.
And… not once since that morning have I struggled with any type of paralyzing fear.
