This is a topic that is a little different than the others I’ve written about, but Training Camp was the beginning to some significant growth in this area. Something as simple as prayer. Praying out loud has always been a huge struggle for me, and for the longest time, I could not figure out why. I’ve thought about this a lot, and recently I made the connection… it’s hard for me to pray out loud because as soon as someone asks me to pray my insecurities take root, I feel like I’m being judged, and I over think everything… to the point where I forget what I wanted to say. I’m instantly concerned people will think my prayer isn’t good enough, the words aren’t fluent or flashy enough, the grammar is wrong, or a handful of other lies that rush through my mind at that moment.
Going into the World Race, I knew this was an area I’d be challenged in, and a goal of mine is to completely overcome this ridiculous fear. With that said, I didn’t realize I’d be challenged so quickly. It was maybe the second night of training camp, and as we began worship they asked us to reach out to the person sitting next to us and pray over them. Immediately, I panicked. Satan rushed in and instantly filled my mind with lies. I was sitting next to Sarah, and I said, “I don’t like doing this, I don’t like praying out loud.” She looked at me and said, “I’m the same exact way, this will be my first time.” Instantly, my fear subsided, and I was so grateful to be sitting next to someone who was struggling with the same thing. As we prayed over each other, I was definitely nervous, and our prayers where slightly shaky… but we did them, and that was the first step.
A couple nights later, the worship leader asked us to do the same thing except this time we were to pray for things we wanted to see God do while on the World Race. Again, I panicked. I was frustrated with the man for making us do this… again. I was sitting next to Tara this time, and again I looked at her and said “I don’t like praying out loud, it scares me.” To my surprise, she looks at me and says “I’m the same way, this is only my third time praying out loud.” Well, you can imagine how that quickly calmed my insecurities. This time, right before I prayed, I asked God to calm my nerves, give me the words to say, and completely rid me of my insecurities. As I prayed for Tara that night, I felt so at peace, and I felt like God was giving me the words to say. For the first time, I prayed out loud and I was not concerned AT ALL with the people around me.
But wait, that wasn’t the last time I would be challenged during Training Camp. It was the very last night of worship. I had been feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly this night, and the worship was so real and raw. I was in the very back, and I couldn’t help but hold my arms high and praise my Savior. I felt like He was giving me this HUGE embrace the entire time (very few times have I felt this way during worship, but it’s always incredible when you do). Anyway, near the end, the worship leader again asked us to grab the person next to us and pray for them. Pray for what God is going to do in their lives on this trip. Pray that they be open to what the Lord has in store for them. This time, I was standing next to my dear friend Nicole.
**As a side not, Nicole lives two hours from me in North Carolina so she is the only girl on my squad that I was able to meet up with a couple times before Training Camp began. We met in Greensboro twice, and while we were hanging out the second time she asked me if we could pray for each other. I looked at her and said, “Nicole, praying out loud terrifies me, but I will try.” I thought to myself, Jasmine, this is Nicole, why the heck are you so scared to pray in front of her!? I’m telling you… Satan knows this is an area he can attack me in, and he’s been so good at it. Anyway, that night when we were hanging out in Greensboro, I went to pray and my mind went blank, couldn’t think of anything to say, and just stopped talking half way through. I was so angry at myself. Nicole simply looked at me and said, “You know this is so exciting. Because I get to see this side of you now, and I also get to see how much you’re going to overcome this during our trip. I can’t wait to watch you grow.” I gave her a huge hug because after hanging out twice, I already felt as though she was becoming one of my closest friends. I was so thankful for her sincerity.**
Back to Training Camp… I was standing next to Nicole. I walk over to her, and we simply give each other a hug. Because Nicole was aware of my insecurities of praying out loud, she didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable so she simply hugged me in silence. Out of the middle of no where I just began praying. I thought to myself, I feel like my Daddy is holding me in His arms right now, encouraging me to just do it… just pray, and before I could question it, over think it, or talk myself out of it, I was praying. It wasn’t anything flashy, but it was simple. It wasn’t super long, but it was a prayer. And it was from my heart. Sincere. As Nicole began to pray after me, tears falling from her cheeks, she looked at me and said “Girl, one day you will be praying over nations. You will be praying in front of churches, and large groups, and I can’t wait to watch it happen.”
This may not seem like that big of a deal to some, but for me, I am more than ready to overcome this ridiculous hurdle in my faith. I am ready to rid myself of Satan’s lies as soon as someone asks me to pray. In no way am I super comfortable with it yet, but I can honestly say, Training Camp was the start to significant growth in this area. I’m terrified, but stoked to see how God will challenge me in this. I want to be a prayer warrior. I want to be the kind of person where, when I get out of bed in the morning Satan says, “crap, she’s up!” It’ll be a challenge, but well worth it!
