I like new things.
New friends.
New plans.
New countries.
(“New” is a funny word. I’d never noticed that until I just typed it over and over. Ha)
I just got off an overnight bus ride wherein I got 3 total hours of sleep but I’m running on adrenaline because everything is new and changing and different and exciting.
Travel days and the first week of ministry are consistently my favorite parts of every month.
The third week is consistently my least favorite part.
The fourth is somewhere in the middle; we hear our plans for the next month, I remember that my current month is pretty great yet still feel a touch of exhilaration at the idea that my days left in it are officially numbered, and I’m all in for those last days.
The fourth is somewhere in the middle; we hear our plans for the next month, I remember that my current month is pretty great yet still feel a touch of exhilaration at the idea that my days left in it are officially numbered, and I’m all in for those last days.
Why is all of that?
Because as Regina Spektor so wisely sings: taking steps is easy, standing still is hard.
And even though each month is new, the general routine of the World Race is no longer new. The above pattern is the same every. single. month. Well, except for Ecuador, because I loved it there too much, and Colombia, for the opposite reason.
So, when God started whispering post-Race plans into my heart, I got excited again. I was all psyched up to finish the Race strong because there was no longer a brick wall at the finish line.
Except then I realized I couldn’t nail down those plans all at once. Just like I can’t knock out all 11 countries on my route in a week, there are steps involved and there’s waiting. I couldn’t sleep because I was so impatient to be making things happen. It’s like I have all the ingredients on the counter and I just want to make the cookies right NOW, and I’m waiting and getting hungrier every minute.
It was through that restlessness that God pointed out this tendency of mine to always need to be moving. The P in my ESFP doesn’t mean I don’t like plans, it just means I’m okay with those plans changing(and prefer flexible plans to the kind that are set in stone. I kind of have commitment issues). I get bad anxiety if I don’t have a plan. It doesn’t even have to be a detailed plan; just something like “Tomorrow I’m going to sleep in,” without knowing how late I’ll wake up, or “Next month we’re going to Cambodia,” without knowing what city or what ministry. And there have to be backups, because having only one option scares me.
I told God I wanted to be able to just REST. Because the idea of going home and not having things to do every hour makes me dizzy. He asked me, “The more you trust whoever’s making your plans, the less you worry about it. Right?”
This is a fair point. If my best friend Holli says “Let’s hang out this weekend,” I jump and commit right then without needing a single other detail. But if another friend I don’t know half as well makes the same suggestion, I’ll ask more questions, because they don’t know enough about me to plan my life without me telling them how.
I thought about that and God continued, “So if you mean it when you say you trust me, I should be able to say ‘I have a plan’ and nothing more.”
Oh.
He does know me best, and he DOES have a plan. I just need to take an extra strength chill pill and remember that he’ll tell me what I need to know as I need to know it.
