It’s eleven days before training camp. I get really excited whenever the number eleven comes up in my life nowadays.
All day at work I could barely concentrate as I was thinking about my dear F squad and how much I already love all of them even though we’ve only met through our Facebook group. How if even one of them had to leave our squad for some reason, it just wouldn’t be the same. It’d be like having a sibling disappear.
And I love it even more how only my (F)amily understands how we’re so close without yet knowing each other in real life. It’s just one more bond that we have.
So I drove home, all ready to jump on Facebook and post exactly that on our group.
Instead I found a flood of posts saying that one of our sisters just died in a car wreck.
Life changes fast.
I stared at my computer screen, read the words over and over, and finally just said, “God, what’s up?”
I didn’t understand. So many thoughts were bouncing off the walls of my head at once.
Why would God let this happen right before the Race? Why call her to it at all if he wasn’t even going to let her get there?
Has any Racer ever imagined they might not live to see training camp?
What must her family be feeling right now if I’m aching so much when I barely knew her?
Why would he let us love her so much for such a short time and then just take her away?
Finally I realized I was thinking like the most selfish person in the world, so I stopped thinking, and just cried.
God sat there with me, patiently hugging my heart and not saying a word. When I ran out of tears I asked him, “I know there’s a good reason, and I know I’ll love your plan once I know what it is…but I just don’t want to wait and see. Just this once, can you tell me right now? What kind of good will you bring out of this?”
And God said, “Okay.”
I pretended I’d imagined that, and changed the subject. I thanked him for the blessing she’d been to our squad in the short time she’d been a part of it, and I told him I was sad she didn’t get to be with us for the whole thing. Like a character who gets introduced in the pilot of a show, and you get all excited to watch them for a whole season, but then they get written out by the end of that first episode.
But God corrected me, “I’m not done using her to bless you, and she’s still a part of the story.”
That was about the most confusing thing he could have said, so I gave up and went back to Facebook to grieve with the rest of my squad.
Instead of finding a pity party to join, I found my family talking about ways Anastasia had impacted us and how we could remember her as we travel the world together. More detailed stories will come after training camp, but for now I’ll just say that only a few hours later I’m more excited to meet them and minister with them than ever before.
Just like he promised me, God did immediately show me what good he has planned, and he is so not done with Anastasia.
I’m sure this won’t be the last time I write about her.
Please pray, not only for F squad but more importantly for Anastasia’s family and friends who are hurting. Pray that God would bring them peace and that he would continue to bring blessings to everyone who knew her.
