When Mama C and Pappy, our coaches, were first talking to us at Month 6 debrief in Panama about their struggles connecting with us as a squad, I was soaking in all of what they were saying. Our squad was somehow different from other squads — was it because it’s such a focused route? As soon as we started talking about the differences with a focused route, I felt a heavy burden on my chest.
My heart was pounding through the session as I thought about the new Spanish Route that would launch the upcoming January. I could alumni-mentor those new Racers, but would that be enough?
Then, I remembered “squad leading.”
I confided in few friends on the field about whether I should squad lead, or if I could. Could I turn around a little over a month of being at home and lead a brand new bunch of Racers on their race? Could I be gone for another five months?
I felt such nervous excitement with the prospect of leading, and a few weeks later, I emailed my squad mentor with my interest. He emailed me the application and I read over the questions.
Let me tell you, these questions are intense.
As I prayed about the questions, my thoughts and emotions around squad leading were like a roller coaster.
I’m not qualified for this. I was a treasurer the first four months of the race. I haven’t lead a team. I have no leadership experience on the race.
I have six months to become qualified! I saw the change and growth God had worked through my teammates and team leaders during the past six months. I knew and trusted that He would walk me through the same.
I can’t even answer these application questions, how can I lead?
God will lead the way!
A friend asked, “If you don’t apply, do you think you’ll feel disobedient? Defeated?”
I felt defeated. I had decided I was not going to apply before she asked those questions. But I did feel disobedient. I took her suggestions, and prayed about it.
Most of the thoughts revolved around my own ability to succeed at leading. I kept forgetting that if God had called me into this, He was going ahead of me. All He needed was a willing heart to go.
So, one night I put my headphones in and listened to Bethel Music’s album “Tides,” and prayed. After a little while, I opened up the application, read the first unanswered question, and began typing. The answers and scenario examples just started coming and words started flowing.
The next morning, I submitted my application. And the waiting game began…
