Note: This month has been an interesting one, being the first squad in Japan it is a month of pioneering and learning. Of getting lost, lost again, and then finding our way back. Of making mistakes, learning new languages, cultural experiences, and so much more. But, the biggest thing this month for me specifically is learning to let God take the wheel each and every day. Since we don’t have any main way of doing ministry we have to go and find it; which has been very different to what we have been doing these past four months. So I am learning as a leader to be okay with not having a set plan or course for the day and allowing God to direct myself and the rest of the team. Here is a journal entry of what has been going on inside my head and heart and how God is transforming my thinking and feelings.
As I sit here in the sunshine in Japan I ponder and think, how can I lead people when I don’t even know where I am going? The city of Osaka is a place longing for something more; they have all that they need now its finding something to fill its soul. Often times I think that way because I seek and long for something so much more than what I have now. There are days where I am filled to the brim with joy, then there are other days where I am burdened with worries and doubts for right now in Japan I don’t know what to do, where to go, or how to minister; I guess you could say I’m leading blindly.
I see my family members looking towards me to guide them, but I have no clue what to do, or where to start. In my own heart I long to just minister and love on the families we are living with for the month; to build them up with encouragement. But then I know that there is so much more out there in the city that can be done. This is when I must rely and trust in God to bask in his presence and to seek after him.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”–Hebrews 12:2
It seems that I am surrounded by a sea of problems, but in all reality I am face to face with God, my peace. As long as I focus on him I am safe. Where I start to sink, which it feels like I am, all I simply have to do is call out “Help me, Jesus!” and he will lift me up. I know I cannot make everyone happy and rehearsing the troubles in my head just results in experiencing them more than I really have to; because really I’m only suppose to when they actually occur.
“Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”–Joshua 1:9
I need to not multiply my worries and doubts as I anticipate what is ahead of me, its funny how quickly I forget that God is with me-now and always. He strengthens me and prepares me for this day not tomorrow, not yesterday, but today! He is transforming my fear into continual confident trust! He is always beside me, helping me face today’s waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to just spook me. I do not need to worry about the future, rather I can laugh at it and just stay close to God! By no means is this easy, but with each day that I choose to continue to trust him it becomes easier.
I think that C.S. Lewis said it best “I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time-waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God, it changes me.” God doesn’t change he is constant and as I learn to rest in him I will continue to learn from him “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”–Philippians 4:7
