Let’s just start by saying, He’s a good, GOOD dad. There is nothing I have learned with more certainty throughout my life than this one thing- He loves me, and He’s a really good dad.
I’ve had my share of life, 24 years may not seem like much but my years on this earth have packed their own kind of punch. Each of us has a journey this side of eternity riddled with our own kinds of joys, laughters, pains and trials fit so perfectly for our uniqueness. You may not believe it, but no one on this earth has lived your life, and no one else could live it just like you. That’s the beauty of the journey: it may be difficult, and you may never go back to where you were, it may be hard at times and yet so easy. It’s a journey, and it’s yours.
Mine journey has taken me down many different roads, through many happy and many hard, and some happy and hard mingled as one. It led me to the world race, and back again to squad lead P Squad on their own kind of journey. I made it to launch, in Atlanta for training with all the people I would be leading with for the next 5 months of my own life journey. I was ready, I had peace, I heard the call and I knew it was time for me to go. I had purpose and a plan.
And then I got appendicitis.
A normal reaction might be shock, grief, pain or mis-understanding. Was I really supposed to go on the race? Is this a sign of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a part of this squad, or leave with these people, or even travel outside the country anymore. Maybe this is a sign of warning. It would have been completely normal to think all these things, and to even plan from reactions to them. But these were not my thoughts at all- I only had one…
You see me, you love me and you’re a good dad.
In the deepest part of my heart I knew, beyond any shadow of a doubt, I was ok. I wasn’t being punished for anything, it wasn’t a sign of rebuke that I had heard wrongly about leading on the world race again. I wasn’t in the wrong place and it definitely wasn’t chance timing. I simply knew getting appendicitis is part of the journey, part of My journey. It had always been part of His plan and I can rise to climb my obstacles or not. Neither choice is wrong, but each one shapes who I become and proves my faith or un-faith in a God who I truly believe loves me, even in the hard & unclear parts of the journey.
Immediate surgery it was. I didn’t have family around, and my friends were still at training. I had driven myself to the hospital alone, but not truly alone. They asked if I was in pain, but there was none. They asked if I was afraid, but I wasn’t. They asked if I had anyone with me, but I knew I wasn’t alone. They played music to soothe me before surgery- my favorite worship songs. My friend Stacy managed to break through the nurses barricades to hug me before I went in and gave me news my mom was on her way. They wheeled me away, but I was in perfect peace.
When I awoke, peace remained. The only thought still running through my head, you still see me, you still love me and you’re a really good dad.
My peace allowed me to see the little blessings all along the way. Yes I had surgery, yes I was by myself, and yes I wouldn’t be launching with my friends because of painful recovery. BUT, I was prayed over, loved and served by an incredible community of friends, my recovery room had pictures of my favorite things, the music played soothed by heart, my nurses were kind, my family came from far and all things big and small were for my benefit- little gifts of love from a good dad.
It would have been normal not to notice the little, seemingly insignificant blessings in the midst of such a mess. But seeing them reminded me of a God who is always singing perfect love over me. Our journeys in life are filled with mess and chaos, but it’s in the chaos that we learn to know peace & trust His love.
We cannot know light except by knowing darkness, nor love without understanding heartbreak. Strength is made known through pain of failure and faith is made all the better when tested to its limit…
JRR Tolkien put it this way,
“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But there is still much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps even greater…”
If you hear nothing from me and my longwinded words and unoriginal thoughts, please hear this,
He’s a good, GOOD father, and you are perfectly loved.
*Copy & paste the link below to listen to “Good Father” by Housefire! Beautiful words that ring so true.*
