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I don’t pray as much as I’d like. I don’t pray as intensely as I like. I don’t prioritize prayeras highly as I like. I have problems with prayer. The saddest part is: I’ve come unbelievably far in the past few years. I only tell you all this because God is trying to teach me a lot about prayer right now. I just hit a point in my devotional that is all about prayer. I’m reading the words of Jesus in prayer, and what Cyprian, Augustine, and Chrysostom wore about prayer. The Spirit led me to a sale on an E.M. Bounds book on Understanding Prayer ($1 sale, hallelujah! ). Even whole song’s and specific lyrics about prayer are getting stuck in my head. It’s getting ridiculous…(included are pictures of some of the recent prayer devotionals… You’re welcome) Sidebar: I was just thinking about how thick I must be that the Lord has to try so hard to get my attention. I am a thing far too readily happy with myself. Anyway, I am trying to learn whatever it is he wants me to learn because I know it’s important. I know it could change the way I prepare for the race. I know it will be an integral part of my race experience. I know he’s trying to teach me, so it’s got to be important. But if I’m being honest, I feel like I’m trying to learn a new instrument without an inductor, book, or even the faintest clue where to begin (some of you know me, and know how musically inept I am, and therefore understand this simile). I am not sure I’m getting it. On the one hand, we are told not to pay like pagans. On the other we are told to about God until he’s answers. This is just one of the many things I don’t understand. If my God is alive, and he hears me, why should I repeat myself to him? If he is the greatest father, how come I have to be an annoying little breast kid who wins until I get my way? I don’t get it. I believe I should submit my desires to His. But then I’m also supposed to boldly persist in prayer until my sleeping friend awakes and gives me, the hungry traveler, some bread? (Luke 11.5-10) I understand being billed in prayer. I understand asking in faith that He can answer. But I guess I’m missing something. I try to get up early and able myself and pray. It usually works alright for a bit, but eventually my focus is completely gone and my prayers lack intensity. I guess my attention span is the length of —ooo a squirrel! —not that that is an excuse at all, but maybe that’s the identity of a problem I need to correct? I don’t know. But here’s the deal: God is teaching me about prayer–at least he’s trying to–but I am not understanding the lesson, apparently. I want to, though. And I think this is one of the many times the importance of Christian community cannot be overstated. I need help–wise, scriptural, Godly counsel from my prayer warrior friends. Help me understand this lesson the Spirit is teaching me. Leave comments or email me. I’m serious. I need some help. In the meantime, I’ll just continue asking the Father to reveal it to me so plainly I can’t miss it, and I’ll keep doubt my part to pay more Jesus-like and power-filled (That would be a good name for a book, player warrior friends–Power filled prayer or powerful prayer… White it and give it to me). Play with/for me that I continue to grow, especially in prayer. Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android, so please forgive any errors. |
