I left home nearly 313 days ago. I hopped on a plane for Atlanta, Georgia where my entire squad would begin the journey of a lifetime. I look back now at the girl I was when I got on that plane and truly cannot believe I’ve made it through the past 11 months. There have been some high highs and some incredibly low lows. To say I’ve experienced a lot would be an understatement. I’ve witnessed some of these darkest places in the world. I’ve witnessed some of the most beautiful places in the world. I’ve traveled to three vastly different continents and 15 different countries. I’ve received multiple marriage proposals based on my biological race. I’ve been begged by African women to take their babies home with me in hopes they’d have a better life. I’ve walked through African villages where children only get one meal a day and then one month later walked past a $200,000 Bentley in Asia. I’ve tased exotic foods. I’ve paid money to squat over a hole to urinate. I’ve lived in the tropics for 11 months. I’ve sweated 11 months. I’ve shared one bedroom with anywhere between 2-19 girls. I’ve experienced the Lord in ways I never thought possible. I’ve gained abundant spiritual growth. I’ve gained lifelong friends who I can’t even imagine life without. And now we’re within days of this journey coming to a close. 9 days stand between me some of the hardest goodbyes of my life. 9 days stand between me and some of the sweetest hellos of my life. 9 days, that’s it!
I’m writing this blog for all of you back home. You have made this trip possible and have supported me every step of the way. Returning to the States can and will be a difficult transition to make. I wanted to take some time to prepare you for what to expect and give you a little glimpse into where my heart is at with returning home. I am feeling so many things right now and I can make assumptions about how I will feel when I get home. However I won’t actually know what I’m feeling until my feet hit U.S soil and I’ve actually been home for a few weeks.
I need you to know this:
- I love you and I’m truly so excited to see you, but I’m also extremely terrified to leave this new little family of mine. I’m terrified to land in San Fransisco and simply walk away from some of the people who know me the most. To be completely alone for the first time in 11 months. We’ve done this thing together and we’re all feeling the same things. They are the few people in this world who actually know what I’ve walked through because they’ve walked through it too, beside me every single day.
- I will go through a grieving process. I am grieving the end of what has become my normal life for the past 11 month. I am grieving friends who I will no longer be with 24/7. I am grieving a life where I have been surrounded by people who love the Lord I’m big ways. I am grieving a life where I met new people and learned about new cultures every single month. I am grieving a life of adventure and travel. This may sound dramatic but it’s been my life for 11 months and it’s all about to come to an end.
- I can’t share my entire journey in just one interaction. Whether I see you at church, run into you at the grocery store or you pop in for a quick visit. To tell you about my entire journey would literally take days. A lot has happened this year and I want to be able to share all of it but that’s just not realistic for one 10 minute conversation.
- Please don’t be hurt or offended if I don’t reach out to you right away when I get home. I need to adjust. I need time to process. I need time. I think America is going to be my biggest culture shock yet and to be honest I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I don’t really know what I’m going to need. I just ask that you give me time to figure it all out.
What I don’t need:
- Please don’t ask me. “How was it?” I can’t answer that question. It’s a very broad question and extremely overwhelming. I get anxiety just thinking about it haha
- Please don’t as me how I feel about being home. I promise you, I’m feeling it all.
- Please don’t ask me, “What was your favorite country?” They are all my favorite for different reasons and that’s honestly too big of a question to answer.
What I think I will need:
- Time. Lots of time. Time to grieve and time to adjust.
- Patience. Lots and lots of patience.
- Grace. I may be a little mentally and emotionally unstable for a little bit so all the grace you can give will be highly appreciated. I may have a mental breakdown at some point. I may be by myself or I might be in the grocery store. It could happen a day or weeks after I get home. I really have no idea. If you’re on the other end of that breakdown please know that it’s not you! I will be feeling a lot of emotions and will be doing my absolute best to control them as best as I possibly can.
- A listening ear. More often than not, you will be surprised by what I tell you about the Race. I know I’ve shared somethings via my blog, Facebook and Instagram but that’s just a drop in the bucket. There is so much more wrapped up in me and what I’ve experienced.
Below is a list of 50 good, specific questions you can ask me about the Race. This will also help me to process and continue to move forward in my transition home. If you plan on asking me about my trip, please take some time to write down a few of these questions. If there are other things you want to ask please do! Just please don’t ask, “How was it?” or “Did you have fun?”
- What did you eat in Malawi?
- How did you adjust to the race month 1 in Panama?
- What ministry did you do in Thailand?
- What is “team time” and why did you have it everyday?
- When did you start feeling homesick?
- How did you get used to being a part of a “team”?
- Was there conflict on any of your teams?
- What were travel days like?
- Which country was the most difficult?
- What was it like to experience squatty potties?
- What did it feel like to be a part of someone receiving salvation?
- What was your ministry in month (#)?
- Tell me about Walking Street.
- What did it feel like when you had your first team change?
- What was it like saying goodbye to the team you started this race with?
- Did you read your Bible everyday on the race?
- How many baby wipes did you use on the race?
- What was it like being treasurer of your team?
- Why is Jaco called the Las Vegas of Costa Rica?
- Tell me about your experience at Devils Pool in Zambia.
- Have you gotten sick on the race?
- What is a ministry host?
- Who was your ministry host in Honduras?
- What is “PVT”?
- Who are you close to on your squad?
- What was a REAL African Safari like?
- What is a “debrief”?
- What did you do in the Philippines? What is an “ATL” month?
- How was celebrating Christmas in Malawi?
- What does it feel like to live in the bush of Africa with 19 women?
- What is a bucket shower?
- How did it feel to not have a lot of “stuff”?
- Did you miss your family?
- Was it hard being one of the oldest people on your squad?
- How did it feel to not have WiFi for months at a time?
- How did it feel to live in Africa for 3 months?
- Why did you love Swaziland?
- Why was Cambodia one of your favorite months?
- Were you intimidated by the spiritual maturity within your squad?
- How did it feel to preach for the first time, ever? What did you preach about?
- What is a Tuk-Tuk?
- What is one characteristic of God have you learned about?
- Did you get a new tattoo?
- How was it leaving each country?
- How did you feel when you got your flight itinerary to go home?
- How did you deal with community living?
- Was it hard to stay present towards the end of the race?
- Who is Innocent?
- What did rest days look like for you?
- What was it like to tell your testimony on the race?
Also a huge unknown for me is how life has been for you the past 11 months. I have no idea what life has looked like for you and what you’ve walked through. Do I want to share my experiences? Yes. But I do want to know what life has been like for you as well!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog! Thank you for helping me transition home. Thank you for your patience. Please feel free to reach out if you’d like to get together and chat!
Much love,
Amber
