My heart stopped the moment I heard that we would be going to a nursing home for part of our ministry. To be completely honest, I struggle with nursing homes and have just a hard time relating/talking with elderly people in that kind of setting. Clinicals for my CNA course were definitely some of the most challenging and non-enjoyable weeks of my life. I hated going to the nursing home every day. It just isn’t my thing. So needless to say I woke up the other morning completely dreading our ministry for that day. I had such a terrible attitude going into it and was determined that I was going to be miserable the entire time.
The minute I stepped through the doors of the nursing home, I felt so much peace. God completely erased all of my nervousness and anxiety. As I entered the main room and walked past everybody who was waiting for us, I immediately felt so much joy. All these precious little ladies has such huge smiles on their faces that I couldn’t help but smile. Our team had prepared some songs and skits to perform for them during our time at the home. We fumbled through our Spanish songs, acted completely goofy during our skits and belted out worship songs. Afterwards we took some time to visit with them. I walked up to a gentleman and tried to talk to him using the very little Spanish I know. My heart just melted for this little old man! He was so patient with me and my lack of Spanish. We laughed, looked at pictures of my family and just had the sweetest conversations. Before I knew it, it was time to leave and all I wanted to do was spend the rest of my day getting to know this man, hear his stories and learn more about who he is. Before leaving I helped another gentleman walk to the dining hall and the moment he grabbed my hand I again felt so much joy. What a privilege it was to help this man, be there for him and love on him. As we walked in silence I looked at his hand in mine and wondered what those hands had been through. What were his greatest moments in life? What were the darkest most and challenging times? Did he know Jesus? I left that day feeling so peaceful and in awe of how good God had been to me.
Even in the midst of my bitterness and unwillingness to have an open mind, God was gracious enough to FREELY give me this blessing. I didn’t ask Him to change my attitude. I was so bitter and had my mind set on the fact that this was going to be a terrible experience. It amazes me that God cares for me so much that even when I do absolutely NOTHING to deserve it, He chooses to give me such an amazing gift. That no matter what I do or choose not to do, He will ALWAYS love me. In my stubbornness and in my bitterness. In my anger and in my pride. In my lack of faith and in my lack of obedience, He is still there. I am blown away by the many times in my life that He has chosen to show me His goodness and faithfulness when I least deserve it.
