When a wall was hit and discouragement started seeping in…
When doubt started consuming more time than believing…
When fear collided with the aching of my calling…
In the last month or so I’ve really started doubting my ability to raise the funds needed for the race. I’d see post after post on the team page about people’s fundraisers moving and shaking the world and how funds seemed to be pouring in for so many while, there seemed to be tumbleweeds blowing past mine. A month had past and my numbers stayed in one place…in fact, the only thing moving was the doubt that seemed to be quickly rolling in. I prayed and wondered why I wasn’t able to bring in more funds like everyone else What was I doing wrong?!
Yesterday one of my teammates wrote a blog about trusting and as I read it I realized…I’ve been so focused on doubting myself that I’ve forgotten to really trust God. I’ve never really doubted His calling or placement on the World Race but with the lack of the funds coming in I started focusing a lot on, me, me, me. “How am I going to do it?” “Why can’t I do it?” “What am I going to do?” I actually laughed at the realization of it…something so simple was so hard to see because I was too focused on “me” doing it instead of trusting Him to take care of it.
I had another chuckle today as God ever so gently reminded me that, He’s got it. …last night I spoke with the pastor of my parent’s church and he told me they wanted to support me, then this morning I officially sold and paid off my car…a little later I got a text from my father saying he was going to take over paying for my student loans, and then, as I’m sitting speechless by the whirlwind of amazingness that has just occurred, I received a promotion & pay raise. What?! …and to top it all off, as I sat, overjoyed and in awe of everything that had just happened, I got a text from a friend who wanted to stop by to give me a support check. …Mind blown! Seriously…it was as if God was trying to one-up Himself!! Still…as I’m typing this I’m shaking my head, He really never ceases to amaze! And to think, a whole month went by and all I really ever had to do was move out of His way, and as my friend Hannah so beautifully expressed, die to myself.
