I fell down the uneven staircase like I did every morning of debrief and saw him pacing. He's a big guy so it's hard to miss when he's on the move. I got coffee, read some book that's turning my life upside down then came back inside.
Still pacing.
I stumbled back up the uneven stairs, talked to every face I passed, went to the fruit stand and got ready for worship.
Still pacing.
The guitar playing cued me to mosy my way on into the meeting room. I didn't see him and figured he must've finally sat down. My heart was happy and I was dancing the morning away with Jesus. The night before I'd realized my saucy pride needed to be tamed and kicked out and since then I was bouncing around on cloud nine, loving everything about everyone and ready to take on the world.
High feeler, extreme extrovert? I think yes.
Worship was wrapping up when big guy stood up. Nate had something to say and he started to pace.
Again.
I watched, enthralled, unsure about what was going to happen but very sure that the Holy Spirit planned on speaking through this man. Jesus plopped Himself on Nate and used him as His mouthpiece. He rallied the troops and called us to action to fight for one of our squadmates. My squad grabbed every instrument we owned and started rocking out to our Savior who scooped us out of punishment and set us upon the Freedom Rock for which we stand!
I mean to tell you it was louder than Knoxville on a Saturday night after we beat Bama (its been a while since that's happened so some of us may have to reach into our memories for that sound…)
Ok so back to Malaysia…The presence of God was thick in the room. Everyone was worshipping like their lives depended upon it and the heat index in there was rising too. Nothing like a bunch of backpackers rocking out in a NO Air Conditioning Zone. Yum.
I felt this tug to go up and say something but I brushed it off. I made awkward eye contact with one of the leaders who gave me the nod and next thing I knew, I was dodging between bodies on my way to the front of the room. I started rambling 4500 miles per second about my gross pride this and so over my nasty pride that. I confessed it had been oozing out of me and yelled something about in the name of Jesus I'm free and then told them all to flick off whatever might be holding them back and then I raced back to my seat.
Actually, I blacked out and don't know what I said. I am beyond terrified of public speaking.
We encircled our teammate and started praying, interceding and calling all of heaven to come. Looking back, it was incredible. When God's people pray, shooooooot He comes a callin!
Watching the way His presence bee bopped its way through that place was astounding. We are each one of His prized pearls and He was this Holy String, pulling us together. He was meshing us into a beautiful harmony. We don't all have the same gifts and talents but together we make up the Body and Christ is at the head, turning it into a joyful tune.
Ya know, a year ago if you'd told me you were going to ask Jesus to raise $10k in 12 minutes or declare healing over someone in Jesus name, I would have been a little skeptical. It sounds nuts. But God isn't a tame, sit at home and knit kind of God. He didnt create us to do ordinary things. Heck, He told the disciples to go and do greater things than even He did. He's supernatural, miraculous. I've seen stuff happen out here that would blow your bleepin mind. Maybe I'll write a book one day, just trying to take a bite out of the way His glory has been displayed through the people we have met and the things we have seen. God's got some fancy foot work and He's just getting revved up. Jesus is moving. He's healing the sick, setting the captives free and blowing the lids off the boxes we had Him in.
But something else I've realized is that the Race isn't some emotional high that you ride in hopes of staying doped up for the year. It's not even like smoking a cigarette and getting a 5 minute high. It's hard as heck and half the time I wanna say peace out ya'll and go find some AC. This isn't always a glamorous joy ride because most days you don't feel like a "good and faithful servant."
Man, its messy out here.
It's real life shenanigans that we are seeing, feeling and trying to absorb. We see highlights of the worst the world has to offer yet we're blessed enough to be entrusted with a mission of this magnitude. There is beauty from ashes. We've been seeing it firsthand. It's a humbling, beautiful disaster of hope and promise mixed with love and unending grace. Sometimes seeing the madness surrounding us, it feels like birthing a baby who's holding a screwdriver and the child doesn't say thanks when he enters the world.
Yet its worth it.
Sometimes I miss normal like a baby craves milk.
And so I write this, in Cambodia. The fan is blowing my greasy hair in many directions, my sweat is seared into my middle school looking zits and my stomach is floating in rice. And it feels good. It makes me laugh thinking about it.
God is bigger than normal. He's bigger than my squad. He's bigger than my selfishness or this dang fly that won't stop trying to enter my mouth as I type. He's mightier than my wants and needs too.
Being led by His Spirit might make you pace, like it did the big guy. Praise Jesus for pacing because it can lead God's people to be used by Him in crazy awesome ways.
Jesus, as I pace, let me hear from you and only you. Show off your majesty and love. Knock me to my knees. Teach me your ways so that my thoughts and Your thoughts are synonymous. God I'm sorry when I make me and my problems a bigger deal than I make you. I pray that my sole focus is making Your name known. God, what an honor it is to taste your love, to glimpse you in the smiles of these babies I got to hold today. Thank you Daddy God that you give us what we need and you bless us more than we can ask or imagine. Jesus you are the reason that I'm here. May our hearts never settle for anything less than bringing your name glory to the nations or to our own backyard. God I pray that I will never rest unless it's at the foot of Your Cross. I love you more than the stars in the sky and wayyyy more than the mosquitoes biting my legs! In Jesus name, AMEN!
