We've wrapped up ministry in Thailand and ended it in style. We shoveled cement, bucketed cement, threw cement and laid cement. On a side note, most of this was done speaking in the worst British accents you can imagine…but it made us laugh, time flew, and we enlarged our back muscles so I'd chalk it up as a good day.
We ate lunch at the Rice Lady's shop (give you one guess what we ate) and now it feels as though sword fish are swimming in my stomach. Not sure what to make of that.
Not a fan of fried eggs (something about the nasty yellow texture when it oozes out) so I performed open heart surgery on my uneaten chicken spawn. Praise the Lord I'm not a surgeon and instead a poor missionary because the egg was unrecognizable when I was finished.
This month has been a wacky roller coaster of emotions, high feelings, insanely awesome Jesus revelations and some manual labor that proves girls sweat and get man hand callouses with the best of them.
But I think more than anything, I've just realized how much God is in love with our crazy selves. And I am completely in awe of Him. Goo, I freaking love that God can't be exaggerated. I love that there is nothing in this world that is good except God Himself.
I love that amidst my brokenness over Althea passing that He revealed an awesome truth to me.
So the other day i was thinking…what if I had the chance to save the life of one murderer, one alcoholic and one prostitute? But, I could only save them if I'd willingly let my baby die in their place.
Um. Is that even a question?
There's no way I'd ever put my child on a chopping block in order to save a bunch of sinners. Especially if they didn't appreciate the sacrifice. I'd probably freak out, grab my baby and high tail it off to Europe or somewhere with mountains. It makes me feel like my heart is being scraped against coals just thinking about it. It's repulsive and disgusting. A no brianer in my human mind.
Yet.
That is exactly what God did when He willingly allowed Jesus to take the punishment for our sin. God despises sin so much that it has to be punished. There is simply no way around it. He gave up His Son for us to be free.
And that is mercy in its purest form. It's a sweet exchange that utterly blows my mind.
I asked God in Nicaragua what mercy looked like. I never dreamed He would show me through the life of a child whom I dearly loved.
It's interesting because mercy has been the name of the game for me this month.
I receive it from Jesus with arms wide open but I'm not always quick to dish it out to others. So as I've lived a dream life in Thailand, I've had to get the heck over myself.
God didn't say love sometimes or even love others like you love yourself. He didnt say its ok to stop loving when they hurt or disappoint you. Nope, He was rather clear when He said love others like I love you.
Often times this month I've felt like a big fat failure. I could make excuses or play the blame game til the cows come home but honestly I've got to have a heart set on viewing others like Jesus does. A love that is not my own but rather His love that bubbles over from a heart that is abundantly drenched in His sweet mercy.
It's been blood gushing, open heart surgery but its worth it. Just to get a taste of loving like Christ loves me.
Right when I think I've figured it all out (insert laughter) a dark, mysterious part of my heart is exposed and BAM! I'm back in the throne room, flat on my face, pleading for mercy for acting like a human. I know who I am and I know I'm righteous and pure because of He who is in me but it still annoys my feisty little frame to no end when my humanness gets riled up and I act from my flesh. Shoot.
The same folks I'm not extending mercy to are the same people loved by my God. The same peeps who I conditionally love are wildly adored and unconditionally favored by my same Redeemer.
A friend shared a quote the other day that zapped my pride and threw me to my knees:
"you've never locked eyes with someone that God didnt love."
Boom. Enough said.
