Love is crazy. Its good but it's nuts. If you've read our blogs lately, you'll know we got messed up in Manila. Our hearts arrived on our sleeves and we loved so much that I find myself staring at our pictures from the gloriously awful, wonderfully devastating month 4 quite often.
I was siting on the porch earlier, chatting with Emily, contemplating the stark differences between this month and last. I mean for one, we have yogurt and the ability to flush our toilets every morning. We have beds and hardwood floors. We live in a gated community so there's the added safety factor. We basically live in the Ritz Carlton because the tub alone has the awesome power to shower you without making you more dirty than when you started.
At first I was supremely enthused about this little arrangement. And don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave tomorrow. Refreshment is great and rest is needed…
Yet, I miss the slum. I miss the dirt that was meshed into my skin so finely that when I left and my face could actually breathe, it exploded with a breakout that would impress a 13 year old girl.
I miss the rice or spaghetti served each morning and the laughter it provided because no one would eat it.
Lately, when I smell a stench, I breathe deeply and am disappointed when our truck keeps going and leaves the foulness behind.
I miss Tondo like a lovesick puppy. Like that first love that will always make your heart beat a hair faster because of the bittersweet memories of time spent and years passed.
But realistically, I'm in Thailand. Shocker, I know. I'm here and I've got to be present. We have an incredible ministry that I can't talk alot about in order to protect the peeps but boy, let me tell you, it's great.
Today we were the Paul Bunyan's of the bamboo jungle. And by jungle I mean the small clump of bamboo shoots by the river. We macheted like Julia Childs manhandles a lobster and we built a fire like a bunch of pyromaniacs. Our men are having manistry month (no girls allowed. Just dudes) so it's a bunch of estrogen, chocolate and Jesus for me and the women. Praise Him!!
I sat on riverbed earlier today with a friend and we poured our hearts out. We talked through our races so far and it brought me back to Project Searchlight because Meg was there with me. We smiled at who we were then and praised Jesus for the road He has taken us to get here. To Thailand. Man, not everyone gets to say that. It's a privilege and such an honor to be here.
My heart may be on an island off the Sea of China, but that doesn't mean I can't rely on Jesus to do His thing and rock my world in this new city. So, I'm in JC. I'm all in. Have your way with me, my team, my everything. Take us to that next place with you. I'm nervous to love again but I trust you in this tango.
Thanks for being the lead dancer, I'm all left feet.
Life isn't about conquering the storm and living in a constant state of perfection. It's not about having all the answers or being able to fix things. It's about learning to dance in the downpour. Letting The Spirit be the outpour of strength and love. Allowing God to be the answer when pieces of our worlds look like rice exploded in the kitchen again.
Letting His peace be the anchor when chaos hits the fan and you feel like giving up. It's not some game you play, hoping to win. Wishing you played your cards right. God's a gentleman. He loves us right where we are and what matters to me, matters to Him. What hurts me, hurts him.
Sometimes I look around and I just don't get it. I don't get the brokenness of the world and its overwhelming. But I'm not here to fix the worlds problems. I'm here to love. To fight for people's hearts. To honor my contacts, my teammates. To air my laundry and be vulnerable. To step into this thing we call greatness. Though often it feels as though I'm splattering into it…To learn the blessing of not being offendable and embracing the fact that plans change and time flies. To learn culture and eat weird food. To heal and become the new creations God so dearly desires for us to be.
Yes, life hurts sometimes but some burdens aren't mine to carry. All I have to do is throw it up on Jesus' lap and go love on some babies or play tag with some kiddos or maybe chop a bamboo tree down every once in a while. That's life. The sunset I saw that was pink with sparkles of red and lines of purple wowed me. The little Thai girl with scars covering her forearms stirred my heart while I wondered what happened. The hill tribe people and their simple ways inspired me.
This tribe's reality is my month 5. The things we see, the people we encounter- will break your heart. And that's ok. But as He breaks our hearts for what breaks His, something is happening inside of us. We're rising up. Fighting back and passionately going after dreams. Seeking and trusting, finding and abiding.
He's creating us to be unmovable. Unshakable. We've all got it in us. It's just up to us to run towards it and not high tail it to safety. Behind walls and expectations. Safe never has fun and God's plans for us are wildly fun. I don't know His next move and that thrills me. It propels me to press on. It makes my blood shake thinking about the possibilities God has planned over this month.
It's a new year. New day. Month, ministry and moment. I plan to lasso the moment to the floor and hop on the train. Let's do this, Jesus. Shake up Thailand and turn our worlds upside down.
Again.
