Every month of the race, God has revealed to me something more. Whether it’s going deeper in what His love means to me or if it is Him showing me the root of issues that I’m dealing with in my life, God has been faithful. I’m learning more and more about His grace, love, patience, and faithfulness.
In Thailand, our squad leader, Joel, gave a message about how he had been called to give up almost all of his music, movies, and tv shows that he had brought on the race. God had really convicted him about the eighth commandment that says, “Do not steal.” He explained to us how he had downloaded all this music illegally, and at the time he didn’t feel bad about it. It was just what everyone was doing, and no one said it was something that you shouldn’t do. It was so easy, it couldn’t be a sin. But, during the month of Thailand, he had been convicted about it. His message resulted in many of the F Squad racers deleting their music and movies.
I took a few things from Joel’s message. Number one, I needed to delete all my music, because even though I didn’t illegally download them, I had taken the music files off of youtube videos and didn’t actually pay for the songs. Number two, I had to go through each of the commandments, in depth, and find what God wanted to redeem in my life through overlooked sins.
It took me almost two months to complete this task just because it was so incredibly difficult. I started with the first commandment, You Shall Have No Other Gods Before Me. I tried to think of all the things that I put ahead of God. I was so surprised by what was revealed to me. I have really made my insecurities define my decisions. I hold false gods of self-preservation, seeking acceptance, people pleasing, and glorifying self so close that I have built up walls to make sure no one touches these “gods.”
Man, that was tough. It was tough to be that raw and just have the Spirit show me places in my heart that I have failed. It’s all a process.
I then asked the Lord to reveal to me any idols I have in my life. He showed me a few things I need to destroy so that there is room only for Him. I continued on with each of the commandments until I completed all ten of them. Once I finished, I looked through my journal entries and tried to figure out why I struggle so much with following God’s law for my life. I found that if I struggle with the commandments, I’m really struggling with one core issue. One thing that comes up over and over again is trusting in God.
I have struggled in my past, and still struggle with now, wanting to take risks and going on adventures. I have made some really stupid decisions all because of wanting a fun adventure or a great story. I realized that I do this because I don’t trust God to give me a good enough story or a good enough adventure. Why do I struggle with remembering the Sabbath and slowing down to show God respect? Because I don’t trust God that He will provide if I slow down. Why aren’t I generous all the time and give to all that ask of me as the Bible commands? Because I don’t trust that God is good, and I am too scared to let go and trust God.
I don’t know if this is hitting you the way it has been hitting me the past few days, but my whole root has been unearthed. Trust is a noun. Trust is an action that we need to take. I need to choose to trust that God has it all in control. I’m so excited for where God is going to bring me as I choose to trust Him with absolutely everything. He is so good, and I want to trust in Him.
