Emotions raging, body aching, heart changing, I screamed out of frustration, “I HATE EVERYTHING!”
Life can really knock you down sometimes. When it does, it doesn’t come back, reach out its hand, and offer to help you back up again. It probably won’t even offer an apology. It just knocks you down and walks away with a smug look on its face thinking that it has won the battle.
And yesterday, I about let it believe that.
After a day of nothing going the way I had expected and pain encompassing my body, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was not ok. I was angry.
A couple of weeks ago, I went running through the Himalayas. It was the most beautiful run I have ever been on in my entire life. Everything about it was stunning. Running up and down the mountains, past people playing badminton and others setting up shop for the day. We ran for probably three miles and arrived back home. It was a really great run. However, the next day, my knee really started to hurt. Ever since that run, it has been difficult for me to walk. I can hardly get up and down the stairs, and I hobble when I walk. It has been over two weeks, and I continue questioning God, “Why?”
Add my physical pain to my emotional rollercoaster.
My team has been stretched, challenged, and pushed more than we knew was possible. God knows me better than I know myself, and He knows just how much I can handle. He has been pushing me to be more trusting in Him and more reliant on His goodness and faithfulness. Being pushed is always uncomfortable. My flesh wants to fight back.
But my spirit is in the best place it has ever been in my entire life. God has used my struggles, he has shown me my weaknesses. He has reminded me that His power is made perfect in my weakness. I have begun to hand over more control to Him. He has the best plan for me anyway. Why would I ever want to settle?
So, even though life knocks me down and walks away, I can stand up. I can be renewed. I am strengthened. His mercies are new every morning. My struggles are fleeting. My life is changing.
But I am happy that it is difficult. Nothing that matters is going to be easy. If this were easy, I would be questioning whether or not I was really changing to be more like Jesus. I don’t want to be the same.
