But i've struggled with this since I was a child…
These are the words that I thought to myself as I Heard for the millionth time a World Race leader say that we needed to be open, honest and vulnerable. I didnt go to training camp to cry, and share my feelings with other people. I went to be a better missionary, to perfect the gifts that GOD had given me, and go home more "prepared" to hit the missions field for a year. Boy oh boy did GOD rock my world. See I didnt necessarily do any of that. There was no learning statistics of the ratio of injustice that exists in the countries we will visit. There was no training on how to dig ditches, or paint murals, or love orphans. There was only me, 100 plus other racers, and a need to get naked, spiritually before the LORD, and each other.
I fought it in the beginning…
but as the week went on I found myself more and more with a tugging at my heart to speak up, be honest, and know that some other people were having the same concerns and fears that I was. Thursday evening I pulled ARex to the side, and burst into tears asking for prayer. And when I say to the side I mean the furthest corner possible from anyone who would see us. She agreed to pray for me, but then she surprised me. Right there with my tear streaked face, and broken spirit, so told me to tell all 55 of my squad mates what I had told her, and ask them all to pray for me. "Are you serious ARex"? I thought to myself. It took a serious lowering of my pride to come and tell you. BUT I have learned that GOD does not accept our half submission, HE will always require us to take the next step, until he Takes over.
So in the middle of a dozen plus light hearted conversations, with tears in my eyes, and fear in my heart I had to tell my team mates that I was struggling to have FAITH. That although GOD had brought me to training camp, down to the last dollar I did not fully believe that He would provide the rest. I have always prided myself on being a strong person for others, but in that moment I needed help from my brothers and sisters, to stand in prayer with me and combat every lie that the enemy had wispered all week to me that I wasnt going to make is. And you know what…
They did, and not just for me but a dozen other people with similar situations, who in that moment needed GOD to be the GOD of Provision. The so fervently, and passionately layed hands on me, and spoke peace and blessings over my Race, and my mind. I could do nothing but cry, at GODs Love through His people in that moment…
2 days ago I made that deadline, 10 days earlier than needed, it was straight up miracle style with a $1,200 anonymous donation, and a HUGE blessing from my Wonderful Pastor and Chruch Family, and I am fully confident that GOD has me well on my way to making the next deadline, I shall be fully funded in NO TIME! BUT there is a bigger lesson to be learned here,
When we are not completely open and honest It leaves No Room for obedience. The times I have been honest about my situations reguarding the Race are when GODs people have obediently donated from their hearts. But when I am not, when we are not we Limit GOD from using that seemingly broken situation to produce miracles, and Bless other people! Honesty and vulnerability are two things I look forward to getting aquainted with on the race, so that GOD can dig up those closed, hurt places and replace them with HIS beautiful characteristics!
So be open, honest, and vulnerable. Allow GOD to deal with, and heal you. Honestly you never know whats on the other side, it may be a miracle, I am a witness…
