2:10am…
I lie awake in bed thinking to myself "man am I really about to do this?"
Its been about 5 months since GOD has spoken the World Race over my life, yet I still some days have a hard time grasping the magnitude of the season I am about to walk into. 11 countries, 11 months, 11 plus new cultures, 334 days, 482,119 minutes, 5 major holidays, a dozen birthdays all away from home… away…
To be honest I dont know why im tripping, i mean ive done it before. Left home for significant amounts of time, but there is somthing about the closeness of this time to a years length that makes me feel somthing. When I think of all the things that take place in the span of a year, it brings tears to my eyes. I do not fear because I am afraid of sickness, or harm, I fear because some of the most precious moments in the lives of those I love will come and go, and I wont be around to see it. The wedding of a Best Friend, the whole first year of life of the first child of another best friend, the budding newness of a friendship once thought lost and yet restored, I have to give all that up? Really GOD? I am human, and I cant help but have some type of emotion about it. There are days i feel completely alone, knowing that I will see face book statuses of saturdays spent in the sun in west akron, or pictures uploaded from events i know nothing about. It may sound trivial, but to walk away from every one that you love for a year is not easy…
But then I am reminded that GOD feels some kind of way too… Hebrews 4:15 says " For we do not serve a high preist who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way just as we are, and was yet without sin". LORD you know the most intimate fears of my heart, and you sympathize with that, but you also draw me, call me to GO so that I dont stay bound by the fear of the unknown.
I am also reminded that there is nothing GOD asks us to give up that he doesnt restore in a better state. And although there are precious moments I will miss, the change that will have taken place inside of me, and my loved ones when I return home will make for even greater precious moments to be shared. I cannot be so selfish to think that my presence here, outweighs my presence there, in the midst of people who are in NEED of Christs unfailing love, and places so dark that even some believers question if GOD is truly there. And with that an excitement rips through my heart for the way GOD will use my squad this year, the souls that will be saved, the lives changes, the mission field!
I am not yet fearless, but I do FEAR-LESS because i am comforted by a saviour who holds my very existance in his hands. He knows what is needed for my journey in life to be fulfilled in His Glory, my purpose awaits…
*** GOD has been such a provider through this journey, but there is still a long way to go! please consider partnering to help in the kingdom work. You are touching way more than my life! To donate click the support me link on the left side of the page 🙂
