From as young as I can remember the enemy tried to attack me with the spirit of Fear. I would say i was born a coward, but GOD has in my most recent years proven that to be untrue. Nope I was born for the glory of the LORD, but in typical Satan fashion, he tried to destroy my life, before I really even knew what LIFE was, BUT then there was this thing called GRACE…
See GRACE walked alongside me and every time somthing came along that should have destroyed me GRACE some how seemed to wedge himself inbetween me, and harms way. I remember being rushed to the hospital at the age of 4, almost choking to death because my 9 year old cousin was the only one watching me,but GRACE that day said no. I remember sneaking out of my sick grandmothers apartment at night time, when i was a small child with my not much older cousin. Older men and women on the streets talking to us as they smoked and drank, but because of GRACE they never touched us. I remember struggling with sucidal thoughts in my teenage years because of the ugly spirit of insecurity. From the outside I looked like I had it all together. Intelligent, good family but there was somthing Extremely empty on the inside of me. Yet GRACE followed me, and even on the days I tried to run from it, turn from it, and reject it GRACE stuck closer than a brother.
I grew up in the Church. Which is honestly not saying much. I knew who GOD was, but I had absolutely no reverence for him. I talked in sunday school, and slept in church, but GOD's word is so powerful that even when I had no clue it was still being deposited into my spirit. I had good parents who did their best to instill in me the LOVE of GOD, and the importance of a relatonship with him, but I was bound. By the time I hit my high school years I began to struggle with my Identity. I knew who I wanted to be, and who OTHERS expected me to be, and I tried to do both. I was a complete people pleaser, afraid to say no, afraid to say yes, just plain afraid. Being a people pleaser got me plenty of friends though, and I happend to have a friend by the name of Margie. Margie, myself, and a few of our other friends used to kick it together. Parties, boys, gossip but then somthing BIG happened, MARGIE got SAVED! Ill be honest I was tripped out for a minute. All these feelings arose in me about the GOD i had learned about in church all my life, but by now i had a job and I worked sundays so church wasnt a priority. BUT GOD began to work on my heart, and in my latter high school years there was a slow but steady change in my life.
I went to college, and with campus life came a whole new set of identity problems, fear and other issues. I battled intellectualism, and an extremely haughty spirit, I guess I was feelin myself. BUT then GOD sent another friend named Vanessa. Vanessa was another person I knew got Saved in high school. We began to hang out, have breakfast together and got to a campus bible studies together. Vanessa was crazy tho. She was totally hood reformed, and operated in an annointing that I had never seen on an 18 year old before. I began to wonder by watching margie and vanessa if GOD had a call on my life? Could GOD really have a special plan for me, somthing he had ordained for me to do. Could I actually have a relationship with him, love him, live for him and serve him like the older people in church, and my 2 young friends?
I wish that I could say from that moment on JESUS and I had a LOVE relationship, but we didnt. I was beginnign to learn that he had always loved me, and that he had allowed GRACE to keep me even when I didnt deserve to be kept, but it was a process for me to learn to Love him, and accept his love for me. See that is one of the most Amazing things about GOD. He is patient with us, understanding, and he lovingly guides us to himself. I rededicated my life to the LORD, and began to walk with him. One day, i dont quite remember when i felt somthing I had never felt before… JOY! Since then that emptyness has been filled, and my love for the LORD grows stronger with each passing moment. I no longer know religion, I know RELATIONSHIP!
I am currently 23 and Crazy! I have quit jobs to follow JESUS half way around the world, and some how I dont see that coming to an end any time soon. I am passionate about the call on my life. GOD has loved on some of the most precious children through me, and I am humbled to the point of tears that he would see fit to do so. I love chocolate, knock knock jokes, and I often burst into random song. I am me, Carmella. I dream of adopting more orphans than I can count, feeding as many mouths that hunger, and most importantly saving contless souls for Christ.
Am I allowed to dream that big?
YES, because JESUS is actually working in me to make it happen.
I am a hopeless romantic, strong and wise for my age (or so I have been told). But most importantly I am REDEEMED!
The greatest revelation I have ever come to is that it is not about me. I would not be here if it were not for GRACE. GRACE that the LORD covered me with, and I could do NOTHING without him! I pour out my life as a liquid offering unto you my King! I pray that because GOD granted me Life that his kingdom will be that much more advanced! I am Loved, and learning to Love…
2 Corinthians 4: 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
