Follow the Leader

What is a leader if they themselves aren’t able to follow?

Really what is a leader made up of? I have no doubt that hundreds upon hundreds of books have been published telling us how to lead and be the best leaders we can be. There’s no point in reinventing the wheel, so I’m not gonna begin to give you my 7 step outline for leadership. But I do want to speak about what my time as a leader on this trip has looked like and how it has transformed along the way.

At training camp I was asked to lead a team of myself and 6 others as we began our journey. Fast-forward 7 months, and I’m sitting in Malaysia, still a leader of a team. There have been several changes in the people on my team along the way. The one constant that has not changed so far is that I have lead since day 1 with no breaks. I’m not complaining…really I’m not. It has been a blessing in ways I never expected.
But things started to shift for me when we were in Moldova (month 5). I began to feel the “weight” that came with being in leadership. I thought to myself that surely this weight is normal. Something inside told me that it was just part of the deal. That to be a leader, I would need to carry the burdens and difficulties that my teammates would walk through.

Month 6 in Thailand brought about new challenges since I was asked to lead 11 other men on our squad for the month. The “weight” was still lingering at the beginning of the month but I was able to hold it for at least the first 2 weeks. But as the month wore on, I wore out! The pressure to be the best, most Godly leader that brought people to depths with God sunk my ship. My goose was cooked. The final straw that broke the camel’s back landed. You get the idea I’m sure.

After finishing the month of ministry, our whole squad got together to do a 4 day debrief before we left for month 7 ministry in Malaysia. My team and I sat down with our squad leaders and squad parents. I spilled my guts and talked about how these pressures had become too heavy for me. I told them that I was tired and that maybe God was asking me to step down from this leadership position. Then Micah, one of my squad leaders, said that when we try to carry things on our own we wear out of energy quickly. He talked about when we truly let The Father carry our burdens, and others’ burdens, we will feel free and rested. The Father brings rest and peace to us, not unrest and anxiety.

I sat on this advice and God began to show me that the reason I was wearing out as a leader is that I wasn’t truly following Him well. I had put so much energy and time into “fixing” others’ problems and issues that I had forgotten to allow Jesus to carry mine. I had stopped putting time in just hanging with my Father in Heaven. I stopped just sitting before God and talking to Him and letting him speak to me. I stopped worshipping Him on my own when no one else was around.
 
Here is the real issue…

Here I am on this Christian mission trip giving God a year to use me. So that makes me close to Him right? That means I hear from Him every second loudly and clearly right? That means there’s no way I can lose connection with Him, and that I can just breeze through my days in perfect communion with The Father without any effort at all right?

I found out that the answer to these questions is definitely a strong NO!

I had not made spending time talking to Him, worshipping Him, or listening to Him a part of my days. I was running out of the energy and wisdom necessary to lead others since I myself wasn’t remaining in Him or walking in His spirit. Check out these verses…

So God began to speak to me about how the past 6 months had come and gone, and He told me that I needed to refocus and reshift the way I was personally following Him. Not to look left or right at the others around me and how well or badly they were following Him. He told me that I was now beginning a NEW world race experience. I wasn’t on an 11 month journey, but a 5 month journey. The past was behind me and all I could do is go after God with all I had in the future, meaning the 5 months that were left on the race. He freed me from the weight and responsibility of the spiritual lives of those around me, especially those on my team. He simply said, “You follow Me, and the rest will fall into place,” meaning that He is the one who will change the hearts, actions, motives, differences, difficulties, etc of those around me. Just because they call me leader, doesn’t make me responsible for all these things. I am responsible for my pursuit of God, that’s all. Lead by following well! OK, I can do that.

So here’s to remaining in Him, knowing that if I don’t, I can do nothing! I won’t be able to lead others if I am not able to follow my Savior passionately and wholeheartedly.           

And here’s to keeping in step with The Spirit of God, listening to what He is saying, and following where He leads.