The following Monday, I wasn’t planning on going to the feeding in Tent City again. But I couldn’t resist Joseph’s dimples and his cheerful prodding so I decided to go and just enjoy his company. On the van ride there I was taken aback by something he had told me. He mentioned that he had two mamas! When I asked who they were, he said, “You and my mom!”
Imagine the mama swagger I had going on as I walked into the feeding! I felt invincible but vulnerable at the same time; like I could conquer anything…anything at all because GOSH DARN IT someone in the world trusted me enough to call me mama! But boy was I terrified of losing that trust! And also of just becoming too attached to the point where I wouldn’t want to let go… I guess you could say I got a little taste of motherhood. But little did I know that I was about to get a huge dose of it!
You see, before we could make our way out of Tent City, we were pulled aside by Ate Mary Ann. I recall seeing her with her grandchildren at the feeding on Friday. She came up to us because she was concerned about the well-being of her neighbor’s baby, Reuben, who was suffering from malnourishment, pneumonia and a cold. So we went to go see about the baby boy and we found him lying on a wooden bench with lumpy, ragged pillows. His body looked like it should have been marked with the Post Office’s FRAGILE stamp. He was bruised, rashed, neglected, frail but oo so beautiful.
I couldn’t help myself. My motherly instincts kicked in and I just picked him up. I didn’t know that his biological mother had neglected him and that his father was pretty much non-existent. I didn’t know that for his whole six months of existence he had been using one dingy bottle for drinking dirty water and formula meant for 7 year olds. I didn’t know that his 10 year old and 17 year old uncles were the only ones caring for him while his grandfather worked day in and day out to provide for seven other grandchildren.
I knew not who he was.
But I did not care.
I knew WHOSE he was.
Papa said, “Behold, a son.”*
At that moment, he was mine.
I call him my lil heartbreaker…because he literally broke my heart. Gripping my finger ever so tightly, I half wished he would never let it go. I wanted to keep him for myself. I want to be selfish. But I know that Papa has plans for him and for me that are far greater than I could ever imagine. I know that in Papa’s perfect timing, Reuben will uplifted from his current situation. I am making arrangements right now with a social worker to figure out what would be the best arrangement for baby Reuben.
Back track real quick! Do you remember that glamorous part from my previous post about me getting peed on?! Well, the “Little Whizzer” Award goes to…none other than…
Baby Reuben!! Obviously. =)
As I was about to put him down, Baby Reuben just let it flow. Thankfully it didn’t get into my mouth like Ate Rona…. but he got me good! And the next time I visited him, he did the SAME THING!! Supposedly, that was his little way of saying “Thank You.” =)
The ironic part is that I should be the one thanking him. Baby Reuben reminded me that Papa doesn’t need a reason to be present. He just IS because He loves us with a crazy, unreasonable, exaggerated love that spills over.
Papa operates by our faith, not by our emotions. If I had operated within my human spirit and my need for validation, then I would have missed out on an opportunity to receive God’s grace through Reuben. But that glorious Monday, Papa called me and I stepped out in obedience and faith. Honestly, who are we to say what God can do when we surrender to be where He calls us to be and to say what He asks us to say no matter how random or how unsatisfying it may seem to us.
Reasons I return to the feeding ministry:
1) God is present in that place. And where He is, that is where I should be.
Thank you, Baby Reuben, for being a vessel of God’s love and for reminding me to love without reservations! Even if you don’t remember me, I will never forget you. You’ve stained my heart in the best way possible…I love you and I will be fighting for you!
*Reuben means “Behold a son” in Hebrew.
