Sitting next to this massive Mississippi-sized river in Cambodia gives you plenty of time to think of just about anything.
The small wooden boats that float up and down this behemoth sized river look as if they could sink in a moment notice, but the fisherman’s diligence hasn’t gone unnoticed. He knows this boat like he knows his hand. He knows the cracks and the joints from head to toe, but I can’t say he confidently knows it like one would know their own mind.
He sees his own hand daily, by the minute, the hour, the second..it’s right in front of his very face. He floats on his boat constantly, it’s his life line for him and his family. No fish, no money, no food. His mind, it creeps and crawls behind his eyes – there’s no visible cues to tip him off as to why he’s feeling one way or another.
I watched a man, drunk, beating his 10 year old daughter and hitting his wife and baby as he attempted to thrust towards he’s eldest two nights ago. I teach english to the oldest daughter Monday through Thursday and that night was different. It was marked with screams and fists as the young girl came running to our class room sobbing and we slammed the gate shut so he couldn’t come in and hurt the kids.
His mind creeps and crawls behind his own eyes. Unknown hurts that hide in the corners of his temporal lobe. Anger that lurks in the frontal lobe. Undetected. Control that throbs and pulses at his brain. The inner workings of self deception are running amongst his brain like cockroaches at night. Of all the wrongs that are seemingly ‘right’. Like Pol Pot who was seemingly convinced of his revolution and murdered 2 million Cambodians. Self deception is as real as you let it be. Your undetected cockroaches that scurry around at night will have their way until you turn on the light to search for them.
People still don’t understand why I’m 30 years old and doing this ‘missionary’ thing. Why I’m not married, don’t have kids, and a 50k booming career. Why I’m “just” living with two of my closest friends in a house in Gainesville, Georgia. This isn’t just some justifying blog to say, “this is what I’m doing and why I’m doing it so please support me.” But it’s another testimony to God and the incredible thing that He’s done in my life and in so many others that I’ve witnessed.
I’m completely aware of the realities of this world. That I need to provide for myself and the realities of brokenness, but I also am completely aware of redemption and reconciliation. I’m completely aware that I’m coming alongside my generation and helping them turn the light on in their minds, to come alongside Jesus and pass them a flashlight, to watch them see their minds the way the fisherman sees his hand or boat.
I get to witness my generation pursue Jesus, a biblical community, a redeemed thought life, and healthy communication with one another. Something that is so seemingly rare. I get to hand tools out that the Lord has revealed to me to people that struggle like the man with his unknown hurts, his anger, his control issues, his self deception, and more. I get to pull the little Cambodian gal into the classroom to hug and love on. To reveal a truth that love does exist outside the one she thinks she’s receiving from her earthly father.
A friend of mine reminded me this last week that a revelation is the communication of the knowledge of God to the soul. My prayer is that you pursue revelation of what your mind could be whispering to you behind your eyes. That you’re given a new pair of eyes that see more than just outwardly. That your mind becomes your boat; your lifeline and access point to the heart and soul. How you begin to truly provide for you and your loved ones.
Please be praying for me and my church (N Squad) as we leave Cambodia, go to debrief, and then move to Africa. Please pray for my fundraising as well and if you feel called to donate please click the button above. I need $10,000 for the year of 2017.
Thank you and God bless
