“I think that’s part of the anointing..” was the simple response I received from the most tiny, beautiful little gal from Hillside when I told her how amazingly huge her voice was. She knew. She owned it.
I’ve had this ongoing battle with worship for months now..the most hard 18 inch journey from my head to my heart and I’ve been desperately wondering when it will truly ‘sink in’. See the thing is every so often I would get asked to play, sing, or lead worship and each and every time I would find a way to talk about how I’m not good enough or be what I ‘thought’ was being humbling somehow..whatever, Ashley. I walked away from Hillside a sliver discouraged only because I heard 80 beautiful voices, 80 beautiful people declare to God through instruments, and they were all amazing…I became discouraged because somewhere along the way I started to compare myself. Do. Not. Compare.
Just like we’re supposed to stop comparing and celebrate others, we can’t forget to celebrate ourselves as well.
As I went ‘home’ to Bowling Green, Kentucky I was told (not asked) by two amazing women that I would be leading worship at bible study that Monday night. If you know anything about me by now then I’m sure you’ll know what I was thinking….
“I don’t want to do this”
“They didn’t even ask, they just told me”
“I’m not that good”
The thing is, these two women aren’t women you can argue with, if they tell you to do something for bible study then you’re just gonna do it. Naturally, I start practicing and get a few songs in mind that God has put on my heart to share with the girls. We hop in the car Monday night and head on over to bible study where I secretly leave the guitar in my backseat hoping no one would notice when we walked in (how lame, right?). After being called out like the dingus I am, I go to get my guitar so we can start worship off with just a few songs and then dig into the word with everyone.
1 song turns into 3. 3 turns into 5. 5 turns into 9. Spontaneous worship erupts between all of us, God is giving us words, verses, and even giving the girls their own songs…new songs. 30 minutes turns into 2 and a half hours. Wow. Look how God blesses every opportunity when we obey. Look how He shows up in the midst of Bowling Green, Kentucky..these girls didn’t do the race, a DTS, YWAM, etc etc…you know what they did, they chose in and gave it all to Him.
My friend called me later the next day and asked me if I missed leading worship since the race and I responded simply with a giggle, because I just had it on Monday. He responded with a ‘what the hell’ kind of moment which completely confused me and followed up with a phrase…”It’s like it follows you.” I just laughed at deflected it all with how I still don’t feel adequate enough to play the guitar and I sure as hell will never have this angelic voice to lead worship with..when he interrupts me with something along the lines of this..
‘When are you going to get it, Ashley? When are you going to receive the anointing on your life for worship and walk in it so you can lead others? I’ve been classically trained on an instrument for 15 years and still don’t see the things you do when you lead worship’
I just began to sit there in silence because I knew Chip was right, just like the tiny little gal in the beginning of this whole story who walked in her anointing. I can’t understand everything that happened that night in that bible study, but I can tell you this..things changed. I remember hearing a story one time of this worship leader who gave everything to God and He gave her a new voice..she’s one of the most sought after worship leaders now. I remember sitting in a hallway with Kayla and Emily at Hillside and them simply telling me to not try and sound like other people, but make my own sound…to stop ‘COMPARING’ voices. I gave Him a new song that night and He gave me a new voice.
I’m going to walk in this anointing that He’s been calling me into since July 2012 back in Ireland..whatever it sounds like. When things are as good and that filled with the spirit like they were Monday…you don’t stop it. You don’t close the presence of God off. David received his anointing, he walked in it, he was consumed by God, and he dedicated his life to bringing God’s temple to earth. Here I am, taking my first baby steps into what this is supposed to look like…and deciding to keep this Monday night worship thing going at the little house that love built. A different kind of tabernacle.
