"Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death."
I remember thinking that. Hell, I even remember saying a more modern version of it. Before the race I had a relationship with God that I thought wasn't worth much, because I didn't attend enough church services or have enough Christian friends. Each night I was in a hotel room for business trips I would get into the word, I would pray, and I would become addicted to listening to as many sermons as possible.
I'm in month seven right now which consist of me sitting in Nepal. My front yard is made up of the jungle and the rushing white rapid river is below me. I'll be honest with you for a second and admit that I've messed up..I've failed Him. I don't know when I stopped praying as much, when I stopped reading as much, when I stopped listening to sermons as much, or when I just stopped pursuing Him as much all together. The irony of it all is that those times alone in the hotel rooms for work are some of the times that I felt closest to Him..the times that I pursued Him with an obsessive love. Here I am on a mission trip, surrounded by God loving folks, doing ministry on the daily, and I'm not seeking Him out as much as when I was home..what gives?
Right before Peter declared to Jesus that he would follow Him anywhere Jesus told him, "Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers. I tell you, before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times that you know me."
The best of the best, Peter, even failed Jesus. I will fail Jesus, but the important part is that I RUN to Jesus and repent and not to run away in remorse. I tend to beat myself up sometimes and make things worse than they really are. These past seven months I have found my Lover, my Father, my Best Friend, my Everything, and I seek Him out more than ever. Before the world race my life didn't consist of having a relationship with God, so when I started to make an effort to find that relationship it was mind blowing. My relationship with God will DEFINITELY look different sitting in the jungle of Nepal over a river than it did in a hotel room in New York City. My pursuit now might look different than it did then, but that doesn't mean He's upset or that I failed Him..He's just reminding me to keep running towards Him. One specific part that Jesus tells Peter is, "when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." When I repent and He shakes the dirt off my back, that I go back and tell my brothers and sisters the good things He's done in my life.
I'm the dumb sheep who strayed away. Dad, I know I made you sad for running away for a bit and I hope you can forgive me. I know I'm growing up and obviously our relationship looks different now than it 9 months ago, so here's to us. Here's to us and our uphill, obsessive, awesome, perfect love for each other.
P.S. I'm ALMOST fully funded. As of now I am $1,500 away from being fully funded…only problem being that I could potentially be pulled from the field if I don't raise it in time (within the month). If you feel like you would like to support me just hit the support me link to the left and follow the instructions further. Thank you so much and God bless you!
