Exhale: the race has begun. It's hard to even think back to launch, I'm not sure what I expected in the first place I suppose. Wait, I lied. I expected it to be like training camp v2.0 and I felt lacking in that. Complacent I suppose is a huge thing to say on how I felt and a correct one on that. I want and I know that I need to be UNCOMFORTABLE and not just in living conditions, folks…because that's all I feel like people truly think about when being comfortable.
UNCOMFORTABLE IN FAITH, SPIRIT, PERSONALITY, JUST WHATEVER. I just feel as if I've seen what God can give or what I can feel, ya know? And it's like…once I obtained that feeling I just want it all the time. Why is it so hard for me? I won't lie – you know what the bible says about lying – I'm jealous. Whoops, let me repent of that one. I can't help it, I'm jealous of these huge worship sessions I hear about going down with the other teams, I'm jealous of these God sent encounters they're having within the community, I'm jealous that God is busting out miracles and making limbs sprout out on people and healing them, I'm jealous that I'm just painting, I'm jealous and it's freaking so stupid (yeah, I know Ashley..don't say your feelings are stupid).
Wait, is just this moment of being jealous actually being uncomfortable? I've gone into multiple homes now and have painted, I have painted so much that I walk into rooms and look at the trim and see if it needs a second coat. I have actually begun to critique every building I walk into (beware to future homes, I may judge your walls just a wee bit). I had been listening to the elderly people who we were painting for, but I was fake listening. I was listening as how a wall would listen..pathetic, I know. It wasn't until the third house when our ministry contact, Andrew, came with three of us to start a new house to paint. Andrew asked if we could pray before we went into the house..such a simple gesture and yet something we all have been easily overlooking: prayer. We walked in to find out this woman (87 years old on her own. Her children live in the same town and do not visit her) had a friend commit suicide the day before. She made us tea, walks into the other room, then continues on to her altar to talk to Jesus, and then beats around the bush in asking for Him to keep the gates open. That maybe she might take the same route. Did you really just hear that?
God, I am so blind. I am so dag on selfish and blind. You know why I'm not getting any "huge" God moments? Because I'm not talking to God, asking God, I'm not preaching the word, and I sure as hell am not doing the word. What is it to read, study, and talk about a book and not do anything that's in the book? This community needs someone to bring them the gospel and plant a seed of Jesus. They don't need Huck Finn of a painter that casually has tea and just listens..anyone can do that.
"My friends, what good is it to say you have faith, when you don't do anything to show you really do have faith? Can this kind of faith save you? If you know someone who doesn't have any clothes or food, you shouldn't just say, "I hope all goes well for you. I hope you will be warm and have plenty to eat." What good is it to say this, unless you do something to help?" … "Anyone who doesn't breathe is dead, and faith that doesn't do anything is just as dead." – James 2:14; 26
Let me state that I am so blessed and I do recognize this. Very often do I take all of Ireland for granted and I push every day to get rid of that.
Excerpt from my journal:
"Thank you for the day we had to walk three miles, God. I was HATING the thought of the walk before it even happened and overanalyzed it beyond belief. I put my headphones on: come like you promise, come fall upon us. It blew me back to walk along this road made for one car in the country side with sheep…in Ireland. And I was complaining?! Man, do I have a lot to learn about life. I know I'll never be perfect and I'm human, but I made a choice. I chose to do this race – plain and simple. How dare I complain – I'M ON A THREE MILE WALK IN IRELAND! What a freaking blessing is that, THANK YOU GOD! To look out over the hills that roll so gracefully, to see stone walls built with such sturdy perfection from a hardworking farmer, to see little fluffs of cotton ball sheep and black dots in the distance of cows, to see six other beautiful women walking in God's graces in front of me, to strum my hand throughout the waist high weeds on the side of the road – having weed babies fall in my hands, to hear the dogs running along the fence line, to see the horse watch our every move. God, do I love you. I'm truly enamored and not enough I feel. I started my week off complaining about how we didn't get to do things like the other teams. I'm needing CONSTANT REMINDERS that I don't make the decisions. I walk and He makes my steps. I am the clay – He is my molder. Let me rejoice in the little things, let me worship even in the little moments."
Thanks to the 7 and 8 year old this month who also reminded me, "Tell everyone on this earth to shout praises to God! Sing about his glorious name. Honor Him with praises." – Psalms 66:1-2
1. Thank you to everyone who attended the fundraiser. God blessed me so much when He put you in my life. I love you all and miss everyone!
2. Launch video provided by: KJ Blair
